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O/T Married life.

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jul 31, 2008.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,666
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be
    married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The
    conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex
    lives.

    After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in
    some S&M role playing.

    The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her
    drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the
    work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When
    all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was
    a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused
    that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

    The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When
    my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black
    mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned
    on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding
    date!

    The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning.
    I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a
    long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a
    tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch
    stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.
    When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote,
    sat down and yelled,

    "Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?"
     
  2. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,049
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
  3. ec90t

    ec90t Guest

    Damn fine joke. I love it!

    ec90t
     
  4. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,052
    An Italian man named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
    After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, 'So, you finish?'

    She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'

    Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, 'You finish?'

    Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, 'No.'

    Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

    Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, 'You finish?'

    Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispered in his ear, 'No, I Norwegian.'
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    One day, long, long ago.......
    there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

    But this was a long time ago.......

    and it was just that one day.

    The End.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The old boat,,,

    Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a
    dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day
    that Joe's boat sank.
    A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
    She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel
    terrible.'
    Joe, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, 'Heck no in
    fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing
    right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she
    smelled like old dead fish.
    She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a
    pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got
    bigger and she leaked like crazy.
    I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these
    four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very
    good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her
    all
    at once and she split right up the middle.'
    The old lady fainted
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Bacon Tree

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
    'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'

    'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.. '

    So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

    There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

    'Jose, Jose, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'

    'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'

    'Jose when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon.... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.

    And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Jose following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Jose with his dying breath.

    'Jose... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'

    'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?

    'Jose... ees not a bacon tree...


    Ees

    Ees

    Ees

    Ees

    Ees


    Ees

    Ees

    Eees a ham bush.
     
  5. Andy44

    Andy44 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,262
    Damn you, MENGWE! I just pissed my pants!
     
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