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O/T Joke of the day.

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Shooting Jack, Jul 10, 2007.

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  1. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2006
    Messages:
    3,523
    Location:
    Blackshear, Georgia


    >>
    >>HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND
    >>THINKING,
    >>"SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD!" WELL... YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!
    >>
    >>I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
    >>NEW
    >>DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
    >>SUDDENLY, I
    >>REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD
    >>BEEN IN MY
    >>HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 50 YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT
    >>I HAD A
    >>SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I
    >>QUICKLY
    >>DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
    >>
    >>THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO
    >>OLD
    >>TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM
    >>IF HE
    >>HAD
    >>ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL
    >>
    >>
    >>"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
    >>"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
    >>HE ANSWERED, "IN 1957. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
    >>"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
    >>HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT, OLD, WRINKLED, BALD, FAT, GRAY
    >>HAIRED
    >>MAN ASKED,
    >>"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
    >>
    >>



    If this wasn't funny to you then you aren't old enough yet. Jackie B.
     
  2. trapshootin hippie

    trapshootin hippie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2007
    Messages:
    5,252
    How bout the young lady that went into the drug store to buy some of those rubber things that keep the ladies from getting pregnant. (Dunno if ya can say condoms on here, so I won't.) The clerk asked her what size she wanted. She said, "I dunno, didn't know there was any difference. What size do ya have." He said, "we have itty bitty, small, medium, large and WHAT IS THAT!!!" She told the clerk, "aw heck, just mix em up. I'm going to a party."
     
  3. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,588
    BIRTHDAY REMEMBRANCE

    This week we celebrate a special birthday.

    Monica Lewinsky turned 31.
    Can you believe it?

    It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,
    and putting everything in her mouth.

    They grow up so fast, don't they?




    Jerbear
     
  4. KodiakBear

    KodiakBear TS Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11
    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
     
  5. KodiakBear

    KodiakBear TS Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11
    Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

    "Yeah teach?" he replies.

    "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

    Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

    "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

    "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

    The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

    Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
     
  6. EDGARMCM

    EDGARMCM TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    155
    A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
    >
    > They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.
    >
    > As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"
    >
    > The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.
    >
    > A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"
    >
    > The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off and told him to be quiet.
    >
    > After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep.
    >
    > With that, the little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!
    >
     
  7. jnoemanh

    jnoemanh TS Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2007
    Messages:
    526
    Hillbilly family at dinner -

    The eldest son, Zeke, stands up and reaches across the table for the biscuits.

    Paw remains silent for a bit, then speaks up -

    "Maw, don't you recon it's time Zeke started wearin' long pants?

    "He's only thirteen, Paw, that seems a mite young. Why do you ask?"

    "Well, Maw, did you see what he jes' drug through the soup?"
     
  8. incognito

    incognito TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    233
    In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example:

    the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.
    Aleve is called Naproxen.
    Amoxil is called Amoxicillin
    and
    Advil is called Ibuprofen.

    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

    Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink".

    Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

    Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
     
  9. coyote268

    coyote268 TS Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2006
    Messages:
    188
    That was good. I needed that.
    Dan
     
  10. five straight

    five straight TS Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2006
    Messages:
    27
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