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O/T Humor He said, She said. (slightly off color)

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jul 22, 2008.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,666
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    He Said, I Said

    He said to me . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
    I said to him . You wear pants don't you?

    He said to me . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
    She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

    He said to me. .What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
    I said to him . ..Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

    He said to me. .. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
    I said to him .. They don't have time

    He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    I said to him .. We don't know; it has never happened.

    He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
    I said to him . . They already have boyfriends.

    I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
    He said. . A widow.

    He said to me . ..Why are married women heavier than single women?
    I said to him . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

    Mike
     
  2. GoldEx

    GoldEx Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,228
    Location:
    Howell, MI
    She Said "Why do most men seem to die before their wives?" He said "Becuase they want to"

    She said "What's on the TV tonight?" He said "Probably dust"

    Jeff
     
  3. pendennis

    pendennis Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    1,567
    Location:
    Southeast Michigan - O/S Detroit
    For those who are in need of guidance -

    SEMINAR FOR MEN ONLY!!!

    This two day seminar covers the following topics:

    DAY ONE

    HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS - A step by step guide

    TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? - A roundtable discussion

    DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET & THE FLOOR - Includes a hands-on demonstration with a hamper

    DISHES & SILVERWARE DON'T FLY - HOW THEY GET FROM THE TABLE TO THE SINK - Debate among a panel of experts.

    LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL AND HOW TO FIND IT - A how-to guide for looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down

    REAL MEN DO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS - A testimonial from the one man who did it

    WHAT CIGAR SMOKE CAN DO TO FURNITURE - Demonstration includes a scientist, chemicals and a sofa

    DAY TWO

    EMPTY MILK CARTONS - DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE TRASH CAN? - Group discussion

    HEALTH WATCH - WHY BRINGING HER FLOWERS ISN'T HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH - A medical doctor will be available to answer your questions

    IS IT GENETICALLY POSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? - Driving simulation

    HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION - Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

    THE IMPORTANCE OF REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS AND ANNIVERSARIES - Role playing (Bring your calendar or PDA to class)

    CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE How to use a public phone when your cell phone is out of range

    GET OVER IT - LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME - Individual counselors available


    Best,
    Dennis
     
  4. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2006
    Messages:
    10,650
    BBQ RULES

    We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

    When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

    Routine...

    (1) The woman buys the food.
    (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

    Here comes the important part:

    (4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

    More routine....

    (5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
    (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

    Important again:

    (7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

    More routine....

    (8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
    (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

    And most important of all:
    (10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
    (11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
     
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