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O/T HUMOR --- CAMPING TIPS FOR ROOKIES

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Gold Medal, Jun 3, 2012.

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  1. Gold Medal

    Gold Medal Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    342
    BEAR BELLS PROVIDE AN ELEMENT OF SAFETY.
    THE TRICKY PART IS GETTING THEM ON THE BEARS.

    GET EVEN WITH THE BEAR WHO RAIDED YOUR FOOD BAG.
    EAT ALL THE ANTS FROM HIS FAVORITE STUMP.

    A HOT ROCK PLACED IN YOUR SLEEPING BAG WILL KEEP YOUR FEET WARM.
    A HOT ENCHILADA WORKS JUST AS WELL, BUT THE CHEESE STICKS BETWEEN YOUR TOES.

    LINT FROM YOUR NAVEL MAKES A GOOD FIRE STARTER.
    REMOVE LINT FROM NAVEL BEFORE APPLYING THE MATCH.

    YOU WILL NEVER BE LOST IF YOU REMEMBER MOSS ALWAYS GROWS ON THE NORTH SIDE OF YOUR COMPASS.

    YOU CAN DUPLICATE THE WARMTH OF A DOWN-FILLED SLEEPING BAG BY CLIMBING INTO A PLASTIC GARBAGE BAG WITH SEVERAL GEESE.

    WHEN CAMPING ALWAYS WEAR A LONG-SLEEVE SHIRT. IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO WIPE YOUR NOSE ON.

    SHINE A FLASHLIGHT IN ONE EAR. IF THE BEAM SHINES OUT THE OTHER, DO NOT GO INTO THE WOODS.

    A TWO-MAN PUP TENT DOES NOT INCLUDE TWO MEN NOR A PUP.

    A POTATO BAKED IN COALS FOR ONE HOUR MAKES AN EXCELLENT SIDE DISH. BAKE IT FOR THREE HOURS AND YOU HAVE AN EXCELLENT HOCKEY PUCK.

    YOU CAN SURVIVE IN THE WILDERNESS BY SHOOTING SMALL GAME WITH A SLINGSHOT MADE FROM THE ELASTIC IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

    THE SIGHT OF A BALD EAGLE HAS THRILLED CAMPERS FOR GENERATIONS. HOWEVER, THE SIGHT OF A BALD MAN DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE EAGLE.

    THE GUITAR OF THE NOISY TEENAGER AT THE NEIGHBORING CAMPSITE MAKES EXCELLENT FIREWOOD.
     
  2. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    25,238
    Location:
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    Don't forget that the man who brings the beer is absolved from all other camping chores.
     
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