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Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by gusto777, May 11, 2010.

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  1. gusto777

    gusto777 Member

    Jun 15, 2006
    The Irish Prostitute . . . . The Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return her father cursed her severely saying "Where have ya' been all this time child? Can ye not understand what ya' put your dear old Mother through? Why did ye not write? Why did ye not call?" The girl, crying, replied "Sniff . . Dad . . I became a prostitite." Upon hearing this her father yelled "Ye what? Out of hear ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family!!" "O.K. Dad . . as ye wish" the girl replied. "But I just came back to give Mum this luxurious mink coat and the deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million dollar savings certificate. And for me little brother this gold Rolex watch. And for ye Daddy the sparkling brand new custom Bentley convertible parked outside plus a membership to the Country Club." She takes a breath and continues "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht anchored in the Riviera." Her Dad looked puzzled for a moment then asked "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" The girl, crying again answered "Sniff, sniff. . a postitute , Daddy." Her Dad immediatley replied " Oh! Be Jesus girl . . ye scared me half to death! I thought ye said a PROTESTANT! Now come on over here and give yer old Dad a big hug!
  2. Porcupine

    Porcupine Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    South Central Massachusetts
    Seamus O'Sullivan walks up to Father Kelly before Mass and says, "Father, my favorite hunting dog passed away last night, and I really want him to be with me in Heaven. Would you say a prayer for him during Mass?"

    Father Kelly replies, "Ah, Seamus, me heart goes out to ye. Sure it is, though, that the Archbishop will be visiting Sunday, and I don't think he'll go for it."

    Seamus then says, "Father, did I forget to mention that I'd like to give $5000 to the Steeple Fund?"

    Father Kelly replies, "Lord, man, ye niver tol' me that yer dog was Catholic!"
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