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O/T FRIDAY NITE FUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Jim101, Jan 11, 2008.

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  1. Jim101

    Jim101 Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Knob Noster, Mo
    Enjoy. Jim

    A little boy went up to his father and asked:
    "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
    The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine"

    A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,
    "I don't like the looks of your wife at all,"
    "Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
    The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

    Two Reasons Why Its So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
    1. All the DNA is the same.
    2. There are no dental records.

    A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"
    The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
    "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
    "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
    "With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
    "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
    "I don't know but it sure made a hole in Juan."

    This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.
    Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
    The young woman looks him over and replies,
    "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

    Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
    Joe: "Really?"
    Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

    A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
    "What did he say," asked the nurse.

    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
    "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

    Grandpa was driving with his 9-year-old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
    He said, "I did that by accident."
    She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
    He replied, "How did you know?"
    She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterwards.
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