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Notes from the edge of life

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by likes-to-shoot, Nov 17, 2011.

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  1. likes-to-shoot

    likes-to-shoot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2006
    Messages:
    6,097
    Location:
    Iowa
    Notes from the Edge of Life


    Dear Noah,

    We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
    Sincerely,

    Unicorns



    Dear Twilight fans,

    Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
    through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
    Sincerely,

    Logic




    Dear Icebergs,

    Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
    Sincerely,

    The Titanic



    Dear America ,
    You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
    Sincerely,

    Canada



    Dear Yahoo,
    I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
    Sincerely,

    Google



    Dear 2010,

    So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
    Sincerely,

    1985



    Dear girls who have been dumped,
    There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
    Sincerely,

    BP



    Dear Saturn,
    I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
    Sincerely,

    God



    Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
    Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
    Sincerely,

    Stevie Wonder



    Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

    Please make one for every skin color.
    Sincerely,

    Black people



    Dear Scissors,
    I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
    Sincerely,

    Sarah Palin



    Dear Batman,
    What was your power again?
    Sincerely,

    Superman



    Dear Customers,
    Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
    Sincerely,

    Nail Salon Ladies



    Dear Ugly People,
    You're welcome.
    Sincerely,

    Alcohol



    Dear World,
    Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some
    Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
    Sincerely,

    The Mayans




    Dear White People,
    Don't you just hate immigrants?
    Sincerely,

    Native Americans



    Dear iPhone,
    Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of
    shut.
    Sincerely,

    Every iPhone User



    Dear Trash,
    At least you get picked up...
    Sincerely,


    The Girls of Jersey Shore



    Dear Man,
    It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
    Sincerely,


    Elephant
     
  2. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,232
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    Very funny and well worth reading. I just wish i could remember jokes.
     
  3. Border Bandit

    Border Bandit Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2008
    Messages:
    1,715
    Location:
    Fairfield PA
    Then there was the guy who had an elephant's trunk transplant. His girlfriend was thrilled, then mortified, when the unruly thing grabbed a spud from the dinner table when she introduced him to her family.

    best...mike
     
  4. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,086
    Thanks, Bill. Those were pretty good!

    Hauxfan!
     
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