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New Priest hearing confession. Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Sep 3, 2011.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

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    A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

    The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

    The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'

    The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

    The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No sh**, what happened next?"
     
  2. BudsterXT

    BudsterXT Member

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    That is funny, real funny!!

    Kenny
     
  3. trapshootin hippie

    trapshootin hippie Well-Known Member

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    Ya'll stop pokin fun at us Texans.

    Twas a good one tho.


    GneJ
     
  4. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

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    So the fellow had been away from the Church a number of years and decided he needed to go to confession. He chose a Church that had an Irish priest. Goes and in looks into the confessional and there were bottles of fine Irish whisky,good cigars and expensive chocolates. He murmered something about wishing he had not waited so long. The priest appraoches him and says that is my side yours is over there!
     
  5. bigbore613

    bigbore613 Active Member

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    A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month."

    The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

    Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

    This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"

    "A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.

    "Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

    At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest! Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

    The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

    The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes!"

    LOL one of the most funny. Jefrf
     
  6. noknock1

    noknock1 Active Member

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    Those are pretty good...
     
  7. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Excellent one and all!
     
  8. Auctioneer

    Auctioneer Well-Known Member

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    Two priests went on vacation and didn't want others to know they are priests. They went to a local store and bought all new cloths and then went to the beach to lay in the sun.

    After awhile this blonde brick house a real knock out lady in a skippy 2 piece swim suit walked by and said "HI father John, HI father Bob". Their jaws dropped and they both couldn't believe someone knew who and what they were. They then went back to the store and go some real tacky tourist cloths and went back to the beach the next day. Again this lady walked by and said "HI father John, HI father Bob". That did it, they had to ask how she knew who they were. They went after her and asked her how she knew who they were. She looked at them and said "What you don't know who I am? I'm sister Mary who you work with".
     
  9. Hal1225

    Hal1225 Member

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    What a Mach 5 laugh I got reading these posts!!!

    Harry
     
  10. Pull & Mark

    Pull & Mark Well-Known Member

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    3 nuns were sitting down to dinner and after several minutes pasted the 2nd nun noticed that the lst nun has not been eating!!! So she asks the lst nun whats the matter??? After several minutes of proding she finally breaks down and says she is very upset after finding several condoms in the priests dresser!!! She confinded she did not know what to do. The second nun tries to console her and said that she too had found those condoms last week, and was so upset that she polked holes in all of them. The 3 nun faints!!! break em all Jeff
     
  11. Auctioneer

    Auctioneer Well-Known Member

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    2 nuns were walking in the park after dark. As they were walking past some tree's a man jumps out and grab's them both and dragges them in the bushes and rapes them. The nun's get their cloths back on and the first one says "What are we going to tell Mother Nun"? The second nun said "Tell her the truth that we were raped twice". The first nun said "but we were only raped once sister". The second nun said "aren't we going back that way again"?
     
  12. shooter99

    shooter99 Well-Known Member

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    A young Nun ran in from the garden and told Mother Superior that a man came over the wall and raped her. Mother Superior told her to follow her to the kitchen, there she instructed her to take a lemon out of the refrigerator and cut it in half. Then take a half and cut it in half. Now take a piece and bite down on it and suck out all the juice. The novice replied, “Will this keep me from becoming pregnant”? No,Mother Superior replied, It will take the smile off your face.
     
  13. 2@8lo

    2@8lo TS Member

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    2 nuns were re-decorating & painting their room & didn't want to get paint on their habits so they decided to take them off hang them up and just paint in the nude. All was going well until the doorbell rang and they panicked because they surely didn't want anyone to see them naked, the one nun asked who is it and the answer returned from the other side of the door "the blind man" well they calmed down & decided to just let him in since he was blind he would never even know that they were naked. So the nuns opened the door & let him in and as he came in he said "hey nice boobs sister,where do you want these new blinds" Haha
     
  14. Hal1225

    Hal1225 Member

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    Nookie Green, I know her, she came to my mother-in laws funeral July 14th, 20011.
    The best funeral I ever went to!!

    Harry
     
  15. mx8dave

    mx8dave Member

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    hey,,Harry ,Whats the price of a mx8 in 20011,, Mx8dave
     
  16. mallard2

    mallard2 Active Member

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    Sounds like our recent president from Texas.
     
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