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Muslim union cuts benefits for martyrs

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by halfmile, Feb 28, 2011.

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  1. halfmile

    halfmile Well-Known Member

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    Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

    The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 60. A company spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings have resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

    The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

    Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "I sympathize with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

    Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their areas anyway.

    According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

    HM


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  2. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]



    Good one................
     
  3. smsnyder

    smsnyder Well-Known Member

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    To funny
     
  4. shelly

    shelly TS Member

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    LOL. Those muslems don't need virgins as long as they have their sheep.
     
  5. hmb

    hmb Well-Known Member

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    A 25 percent cut from 72 would be 54 not 60. Mistakes like this will not be tolerated. HMB
     
  6. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

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    Here's five for the cause!



    [​IMG]
     
  7. halfmile

    halfmile Well-Known Member

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    I guess Al Qaeda isn't very good at math. Look how poor they count when they pull the pin on the grenade.

    HM
     
  8. shadow

    shadow Active Member

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    Please be advised that Muslims invented the use of a sheeps' intestine as a condom----one year later the Brits figured out how to remove the intestine from the sheep!
     
  9. eightbore

    eightbore Well-Known Member

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    I doubt that the cute one on the far right is a virgin.
     
  10. Maurice

    Maurice Member

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    Shadow, and you Yanks still have not figured it out. Maurice ( The Brit. )
     
  11. CalvinMD

    CalvinMD Well-Known Member

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    I liked the Susan Boyle part...It reminds me of the Three Stooges when they met the 3 middle eastern daughters of a shiek when they were in the foriegn legion...the first ones mask dropped..hubba hubba!!..the 2nd..wow!! even prettier..and finally the 3rd (of course, she was the one for Shemp),..when the mask dropped it was OMG!!..she was the sister who hit the ugly wall face first..yikes!!!
     
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