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MORE BLOND JOKES

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Gold Medal, Mar 29, 2013.

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  1. Gold Medal

    Gold Medal Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    342
    A friend told the blond lady that Christmas was on Friday this year.
    The blond replied, "let`s hope its not the 13th."

    ----

    Two blonds find three hand grenades. They decide to take them to a police station.

    One asks the other "What if one exlodes before we get there?"

    The other says "We`ll lie and say we only found two."

    ----

    A woman phoned her blond neighbor and said "Close your curtains the next time you have sex. The whole neighborhood was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

    The blond replies "The joke`s on you because I wasn`t even home yesterday."

    ----

    A blond goes to the vet with her goldfish.

    she tells the vet "I think it has epilepsy."

    The vet says "It seems calm to me."

    The blond says "Oh yeah, just take it out of the water."

    ----

    A blond finds a letter lying on her doormat. It says "Do Not Bend" on the envelope.

    She spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

    ----

    A blond calls a doctors office and shouts frantically in the phone "This lady is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart."

    The doctor says "Is this her first child."

    The blond says "No, this is her neighbor."

    ----

    A blond was driving home very drunk

    Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, and then another.

    A cop sees her weaving and pulls her over. She tells him about the trees that were suddenly appearing in the road.

    The cop says "That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."

    ----

    A blonds dog goes missing and she is frantic.

    Her neighbor says "Why don`t you put an ad in the paper?"

    She does. Two weeks later the dog is still missing.

    "What did your ad say?" asked the neighbor.

    The blond replies "Here boy!"

    ----

    A blond is in jail. The guard looks in the cell and sees her hanging by her feet.

    "Just what are you doing?" he asks.

    "Hanging myself" the blond replied.

    "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.

    "I tried that" the blond replies "but I couldn`t breathe."

    ----

    A man asks a blond lady "Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boat?"

    The blond replies "Duh, if they fell forward they`d still be in the boat."
     
  2. broadway john

    broadway john Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2012
    Messages:
    1,140
    Location:
    New Jersey and New Hampshire
    A blond got fired from her job at the dollar store.

    She kept calling for a price check.
     
  3. Bob Schultz

    Bob Schultz Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,739
    Location:
    Tuxedo NC
    Do you know how to put a twinkle in a Blonde's eyes....

    Shine a flashlight in her ear!
     
  4. acorange

    acorange Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,122
    Location:
    S.E. Iowa
    The Blond was fired from her job as an executive assistant because she kept trying to fix her mistakes on the computer with white-out.
     
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