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Monday Phunnie

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Ahab, May 18, 2009.

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  1. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,650
    A LOVING HUSBAND


    A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets
    on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

    While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably
    spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.

    I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.

    Be strong, honey. I love you!'

    His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear... He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

    Be strong honey. I Love you, too.
     
  2. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,666
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    PRICELESS !


    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed
    he had his collar on backwards.

    The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
    The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

    The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

    The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'


    The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
    doesn't wear his collar that way!'

    The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went
    back to reading his book.

    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
    Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.'
     
  3. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,055
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    Very Good Gentelman!
     
  4. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    3,044
    Location:
    Minnysoda
    Best Joke in Ireland

    John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
    "Here's to spending the rest of me
    life!, between the legs of me wife!"

    That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of
    the night!

    He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
    for the Best toast of the night."

    She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your
    toast?"

    John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
    life, sitting in church beside me wife."

    "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

    The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
    buddies on the street corner.

    The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the
    prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you,
    Mary."

    She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised
    myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the
    last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time
    I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
     
  5. Hemlock

    Hemlock Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
    Messages:
    74
    Location:
    Vancouver, WA
    Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One Would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole,
    the other girl filling it in again.

    An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

    The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the tree called in sick.

    Later, Ken
     
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