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Monday Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by BRGII, Apr 6, 2009.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    740
    WOMAN DRIVERS

    This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a
    Woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her
    rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

    I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway
    over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

    As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped
    My electric shaver, Which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

    In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees
    against the steering wheel, it knocked my cellphone away from my ear
    Which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned
    Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and
    disconnected an important call.


    Stupid women drivers.!!!
     
  2. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,675
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    A man was on the water for his weekly fishing trip.

    He began his day with an 8 Lb walleye on the first cast and a 7 Lb on the
    second. On the third cast he had just caught his first ever walleye over 11
    pounds when his cell phone rang.

    It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
    accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

    The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be
    there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was
    shaping up to be his best day ever on the water.

    He decided to get in a couple of more casts before heading to the hospital.
    He ended up fishing the rest of the morning, finishing his trip with a
    stringer like he'd never seen, with 3 walleye over 10 pounds. He was
    jubilant..... Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the
    hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's
    condition.

    The doctor glared at him and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your
    fishing trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out
    for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the pond your wife has been
    laying there in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished
    because it will be more than likely the last fishing trip you'll ever take!'

    'For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll
    be her care giver forever!'

    The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

    Then the Doc shrugged and chuckled and said, 'I'm just fxxkin' with ya. She's dead.

    What'd you catch?'
     
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