1. Attention: We have put together a thread with tips and a tutorial video to help with using the new software. Please take a moment to check out the thread here: Trapshooters.com Tutorial & Help Video.
    Dismiss Notice

Monday Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Ahab, Apr 2, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ahab

    Ahab Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..

    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
    'No, I can remember it..'
    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
    'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

    She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'

    Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
    The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
    The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
    You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
    'Do you mean a rose?'
    'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

    Hospital regulations
    require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    'So I hear you're getting married?'
    'Do I know her?'
    'This woman, is she good looking?'
    'Not really.'
    'Is she a good cook?'
    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
    'Does she have lots of money?'
    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
    'I don't know.'
    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
    'Because she can still drive!'

    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
    'Really,' answered the neighbor .
    'What kind is it?'
    'Twelve thirty..'

    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'
    The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool ... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
  2. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

    Sep 17, 2008
    An Arab Sheik was admitted to Abbott-Northwestern Hospital for heart
    surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to
    find a supply his rare blood type in case the need arose.

    However, it couldn't be found
    locally, so the call went out to all the states.

    Finally a New London, Minnesota, Norwegian was located who had the
    right blood type. The Norwegian, whose name was Ole,
    willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

    After the surgery, the Arab sent Ole, as appreciation for giving his
    blood, a new BMW, a pile of diamonds and several million
    U.S. dollars.

    A couple of days later, once again the Arab had to go through some
    corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Ole who was
    more than happy to donate his blood again.

    After the second surgery, the Arab sent Ole a thank-you card and five
    pounds of lutefisk. Ole was shocked that this time
    the Arab did not reciprocate with a new car, diamonds, and money.

    He phoned the Arab and said, 'I thought dat you vould be yenerous
    again, and dat you vould give me anudder BMdubleUU an diamonds
    and money. But you only gave me a tank-you card and some lutefisk!'

    To this the Arab replied, 'Ya, but now I haf Norvegian blood in my
    veins so I gotta tink tvice before I spend my money.'
  3. Rick Barker

    Rick Barker Well-Known Member

    May 25, 2009

    That is hilarious!!!!
Similar Threads
  1. BRGII
  2. BRGII
  3. BRGII
  4. BRGII
  5. bigbore613
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.