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MN DOG SQUAD SHOOTS THE GRAND!

Discussion in 'Shooting Related Threads' started by Pride Engineer, Aug 9, 2010.

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  1. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    They're Back!! Yes shooters, the MN Dog Squad is back at Sparta to wrest control of the trophy cabinet. Well, at least they hope to get a sniff any way. Unfortunately again, The Big Dog has chosen not to make the trip. We are not sure why. We suspect a hot bitch type dog with the 150 pounders may have come into heat. In any case, he's missing, which means the traphouses will be mark free and the Tattoed Ladies will be able to walk the streets of Sparta without fear. Absent also is the Schnauzer. Now while we may not know for sure the reason behind The Big Dogs absence, we know without question though the Schnauzer has a certain Penny The Poodle, let us say, in his ear. Sad when a real Dog becomes a pussy. He's probably become addicted to catnip.

    We searched our minor league farm system for replacements though. Now, we know we could never replace our leader, The Big Dog, but we did make some first class callups. With Almost Hairless moving to lead dog position, The Piddler moved up one spot to pull position four. The Prez remains at harness three. Sliding into five is one time Dog, Barks Alot. Old sir Barks Alot has filled in at the Iowa State shoot and when he wasn't eye balling the trap girls, retrieved quite credibly. New to the squad is the just weened Range Rover. Yes, we have added a real iron ranger to our pack. For those of you not familiar with Minnesota's iron range, let us just say divorce usually means she's no longer your wife but she's still your sister. Unfortunately these type of marriages don't make for the best dog genetics but we will work with him as best we can. It has been difficult though, to ignore his single, centered eye. Decot was able to make him a monical that seems to work however. We are not sure though what we can do about the seven fingers on his right paw. He sometimes forgets which one to use on the trigger! Range Rover is a sub-junior retriever and we are trying to house break him correctly. So far we are not having much luck. For some reason he has not been able to shoot the back of the trap house, Big Dog style, even once. He also is actully trying to retrieve well! Pups now days! He has been warned however, "what happens at Sparta, stays at Sparta!!"

    Well, it's off to the trap fields, The Dogs will be up soon. Look for my report on their success tonite after a trip to Downtown Sparta in search of our feed bowls.

    Mark Zauhar, your traveling Dog Squad reporter.
     
  2. slipping into darkness

    slipping into darkness TS Member

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    Glad to see will be getting colorful reports from the Grand, during Championship week! also put my name on the dog fill sheet for next year, I go by "Busy Humping" Take care and enjoy yourself, good luck to the whole squad. "slid"
     
  3. razor

    razor TS Member

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    you dogs becareful tonite, to many bones at southside ribs will give all of you a gut ache. razor
     
  4. handlepuller

    handlepuller Well-Known Member

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    Aim true, Prez. You're my sleeper pick for the hundred K on an earlier thread.
     
  5. Model12Lady

    Model12Lady Member

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    Keep the reports coming. I need a good laugh every day. Good luck shooting my friend.
     
  6. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Well the first day of retreives are in the books. The Prez led the way with a 199 letting his 184th go unfound. The Piddler and The Range Rover were next at 198, both finding a pair of 99's. Almost Hairless and Barks Alot each found 197. It was hot and humid with a heat index of 110! For most people that would be tough, but for these Minnesota Dogs, it was brutal!

    The poor Piddler was the first to miss. He couldn't find his third target. Then to make matters worse, he got scolded for retreiving empty hulls. That'll teach him to be a dumpster diver. The Piddler took it in stride though. He carried on, his Perazzi blazing away and his shirt, dirty as always, barely holding in his belly. One of the scorers questioned his gender, I guess she thought he may have been pregnant. Pregnant on the Dog Squad, no way.

    The Range Rover missed late in the first trap and in the second too. I think he got confused again about which finger to use on the trigger. I tried to offer some coaching assistance but he is hard of hearing. I think maybe having his ears on his ankles may be the source of his hearing problem. Oh well, it could be worse I guess. It might also have been the stocking cap pulled down over his head, just above his center eye. I thought he would have died of the heat but he didn't.

    Barks Alot was shooting well until a hot female type walked by. Good old Barks Alot, nobody has a better eye for the ladies then this old Dog. After she walked by, I noticed he was having trouble breathing. In fact he was panting. If he would have been even ten years younger I'm sure we would have seen a show. Unfortunately for Barks Alot, those days are long gone, well actually, even in the good old days they likely weren't "long."

    Almost Hairless hung in until the second to the last round and then a slight angle retreive caught him napping. He seemed to come apart after that, dropping two more and falling into to a tie for last on the squad. Look for more from him tomorrow as he was the only Dog Squad regular to find a trophy during the prelims.

    All in all, this partial Dog Squad, with the two fill in's, managed a very respectable 989 out of 1000!

    Tomorrow, we will have an old dog sub, The Sewer Dog in the line up, replacing Range Rover in the doubles event. Apparently The Range Rover has trouble in the twins. First of all the center eye trys to pick up both targets as they angle away from each other but that's not the worst problem. You see the school system up on Minnesota's Iron Range lags a bit behind the average. The poor Range Rover is still learning that two comes after one!

    The Sewer Dog ought to be a source of a few good stories himself though. He's been sneaking out each morning to ride his "bike". We've been trying to find out just what he has been riding as he usually returns a bit tuckered out with his tongue dragging. Hopfully we will have more on this story later.

    Reporting from my air conditioned abode, Mark Zauhar, your faithful Dog Squad scribe.
     
  7. OGC Director

    OGC Director TS Member

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    Sounds like these dogs can hunt!!

    Rich (stuck on the porch) in Indiana
     
  8. sle081

    sle081 Member

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    Here I sit stuck by my dish on the back porch waiting for a pat on the head and a bone of news to be thrown!! Sounds like the squad is assembled and in full attack mode for main events. Give em hell leave no dead birds behind!!!

    I will be watching the scoreboard !!! Good Luck to all !!!

    BIG DOG (Home in Minnesota) But there every day in spirit!!
     
  9. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Another hot day a field for our dogs. The heat index was supposed to reach 115 today and I think it made it there while our dogs were retrieving the cap birds. Almost Hairless was the big dog today with a 95. The Piddler, yes The Piddler, was next at 93. The Prez was followed with a 92 and Sir Barks Alot and Range Rover both came in on the south side of 90. Working on a short yardage retreive, Sewer Dog managed something in the mid 8o's, or at least that's what he said. The real shock here was of course The Piddler. He actually had a clean shirt on today and there was no dumpster diving for empties. I guess the fact that a young scoring type female thought he might be pregnant was enough to get him to toe the line. Of course, even with the clean shirt, he still looks about five months along.

    Range Rover is turning out to be quite the little dog. Apparently DaRanger actually can count to two. In fact, he can count clear to seven, same as his number of right hand fingers. I think he could count higher if he had a reason too. The dogs have been trying to line him up with with a hot young female but so far finding the right match has been a problem. You see the poor Rover has set a bit of a high standard for his potential female company. We found out he likes blondes. Not because they look good, he wants them for their less then sterling academic traits. I guess he doen't want a female that is sharper then he is. Now you get the picture as to why he is thus far a single Rover. Where to you find a female that wants a one eyed pooch with seven toes on his right paw, that can only count to seven?

    The Sewer Dog decided to retrieve some sporting clays tonite after the days events were completed. While the dog squad dined on choice dog food, The Sewer Dog went sporting retrieving with some pooches from across the pond and one from Missouri. Quite a group, two Brits, a Missouri hillbilly, and our boy Sewer Dog. No report yet as to what level of retrieving these boys performed but we do know that the Sewer Dogs motordogcycle was spotted in the parking lot of a local watering hole. What was our boy up to? Hard to say with him. He's been real quiet since he was spotted on a bug killing mission. You'll have to check with him for the details.

    Tomorrow is the single retrieve championship. The Dogs are ready after their impressive showing yesterday. We'll have the full report right here on Trapshooters tomorrow.

    Mark Zauhar, pooch reporter of the year award winner.
     
  10. handlepuller

    handlepuller Well-Known Member

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    Time for an update. Let's hear about the retrieves!
     
  11. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    The singles are over and so to are the dogs. All but Barks Alot did a good job shooting themselves out of the shoot offs and we don't yet know if the sandbagger Barks Alot made the shoot offs at all. So what's the story here? Well, before we get to our sandbagger, The Barker, I'll review the scores. Barky led the way with an impressive 199. It was impressive because he held it together after missing somewhat late on the first 100. Next was the Piddler and The Prez with 197's. Almost Hairless came in at 196 and the Range Rover managed to find 194. But now back to the Barks Alot story. It is rumored that old Barky may have pleaded mental illness to get into the AA class and thus insuring himself a shoot off position. I know it is hard to believe Barky is mentally ill but the hot rumor is he may have had a relationship with the recently killed rabbit. Yes, apparently he transported the rabbit from his home kennel in Winona, Minnesota and turned it loose here on the grounds for a little rabbit relaxation and to do what rabbits do with other rabbits. I guess Barky pleaded he was suffering from mental strain due to the rabbits untimely departure and got re-classified in AA to get out of the AAA he belongs in. What a dog!! Brilliant, brilliant! I guess it was a sacrificial rabbit!

    Now there were other stories today. Like The Prez, who must have been trying to imitate The Piddler retriever by missing on the first post, and then missing a couple of more before the first 100 was done. Meanwhile, The Piddler was imitating The Prez by almost running the first 100 before missing very late. In the second 100, these two dogs had nothing to retrieve for so they decided to hold a smoke ball contest while finishing the last 100. It was close but The Piddler did establish a small lead in sootballs. Realizing he was about to finish second to the Piddler in total score, The Prez decided a contest to see who could guess when The Piddler would choke and let The Prez tie or beat him was a sure way to get into The Piddlers head. He and The Range Rover decided The Piddler would miss on post one of his last trap and sink to a tie with the Prez. The Rover, showing some women's intuition, actully called the target. He said The Piddler would miss the third out from post one and it would be a staightaway. Where did The Rover get women's intuition you ask? Well, remember his gene pool. He may be deformed and a bit de-ranged (iron range talk) but he was pretty close to right. The Piddler dumped his second target on post one, an almost staightaway.

    After the day in the sun and a not so great retrieving display, The Prez, The Piddler, Almost Hairless, Sewer Dog, and the Rover went to dinner. Guests of the group included Almost Hairless's squeeze and a nice Minnesota Dog and his sweet young female type pup. Now bringing this attractive female pup along may have caused a bit of a problem for the Range Rover. You see this may have been the first time he was in the presence of a cute young female type that wasn't related to him. He eventually recovered though and quit drooling on himself. Even his singular eye quit watering and all but the extra two fingers on his right hand quit twitching. Maybe there is hope for this ranger after all.

    We also learned a bit more about our drain tube pooch, The Sewer Dog. Apparently he has a fetish for the same part of the female anatomy that so attracts The Piddler, that part of their anatomy that comes in two's, and don't tell me you need more information. Now some male dogs look, some stare, some even try to touch. Our Sewer Dog goes one better, he has one painted on the palm swell of his gun!! I know, the years of inhaling sewer gas has made this dog weird.

    Well that about does it. Tomorrow we try the double retrieves and some handicap. Let's hope one of these dogs gets hot, we need them in the $100,000 shootoff.

    Reporting from Sparta, Mark Zauhar, official ATA historian, without an expense account.
     
  12. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Boy what a day today. The Dogs waited all day to shoot in the wind, rain and dark skies. It didn't seem to bother Barks Alot. The Barker continued his torrid retrieving with a 97 in the caps. With the conditions the Dogs faced, that was one heck of a score. Right behind him was Almost Hairless with a 96. This pooch actually should have scored better except for one trap where he couldn't find three. Young Dog Range Rover was next with a 92 and The Piddler and The Prez may as well have been throwing rocks as they tied for low with a pair of 85's. There was one Dog actually lower on the farm team squad. The Sewer Dog found 84 to slip into the bottom of the pile. Guess which nipple he will be feeding from tonight.

    Not much to report today in off the field activities. The storms and rain kept the Dogs in the kennels and off the streets and away from the fire hydrants. There was one piece of excitement. Apparently the mysterious artist made another appearance and adorned The Piddlers paw swell with the same piece of female anatomy that appeared on the Sewer Dogs gun. As expected, after the "who dunnits", The Piddler disappeared in the back room of the kennel and didn't return for several minutes. Knowing The Piddler, we can't imagine what he was doing.

    The Range Rover apparently recovered from his exciting dinner out the night before and retrieved an acceptable 99 in the Champion of Champions. He is shooting off as I finish this report.

    Tomorrow the Dogs will shoot 100 doubles, then 100 caps and then the 100 championship doubles. Still time for glory.

    Mark Zauhar, has not been sent home yet.
     
  13. BudsterXT

    BudsterXT Member

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    Woof Woof!

    I wish you all the best of luck!

    I love that Squad name and all of the nick-names associated with it!
     
  14. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Today was a big day, 200 hundred doubles and 100 Handicap. At least that was what was available. The Dogs mostly took the day off. The only notable scores were The Sewer Dog finding 96 handicaps and Almost Hairless returning 98 in the championship doubles. The good news is no dog really stunk up the place, well, that's not quite true. It seems The Sewer Dog was out a bit late again last night. He may have found his favorite bar stool again. Anyway, after a heavy night of refreshments, it seems The Sewer Dog had a bit of the doggy trots today. Well, it may have been more then a bit. His kennel buddies said he kept them awake all night. Anyway, today Sewer Dogs spirit moved just before the caps were about to start. Poor Sewer Dog was unable to complete the paperwork in time to make his squad. Let us just say he went to the line with a bit of an "air" about him. Now most of us would feel a bit out of place, but not old Sewer Dog. You see it reminded him of his days on the job and apparently made him comfortable enough to retrieve the 96. Now the good news is Sewer Dogs 96 did not make the shoot offs. Can you imagine the number of complaints filed for "disrupting the harmony of the shoot" if he would have appeared for the shootoffs in that condition?

    Now, not only did Sewer Dog bring a concealed weapon to the caps, in the doubles, he did his best to reveal he, like his apparent blood relative Range Rover, has a bit of trouble with the math. You might recall we revealed here that The Rover has difficulty with numbers greater then 1, well, the Sewer Dog apparently can't count past three! During the two hunred doubles, Sewer Pooch retrieved out of turn not once, not twice, but three times! Now you ask, how can one do this over the course of two hundred doubles? Well not only did he do it, but he also tried to retrieve a pair with an unloaded gun!! Let me see, I bet his mom was likely his aunt too, or maybe his dad was his uncle too, or maybe, oh heck, does it really matter which it is? Let's just hope The Piddler can teach him how to count past three. Piddler promised he would teach Sewer Dog and The Rover how to count tonight. Let's hope The Piddler is smart enough to not use The Rovers seven finger hand as a teaching aid.

    Speaking of The Piddler, the poor guy was plumb tuckered out today. While the dogs were gathered in one kennel, The Piddler simply passed out while the dogs were all howling. What is howling? Howling is what dogs do when they get together and tell lies trying to impress each other. Like you know, how many and who's butts they have smelled, who's leg they were able to hump on, which female they spent time with, you know, stuff like that. Well first the Piddler impressed all the dogs when he said he remembered his first sexual encounter quite vividly. When asked how he remembered it so well, he replied that he remembered being "afraid and all alone". After that story, The Piddler simply fell assleep on the spot. I guess the dogs should not have been surprised. According to The Piddlers squeeze, Pam the Pooch, he always falls asleep during sex. Well anyway, shortly after he was asleep, he started with noises that left us perplexed. All these years we thought he was of the canine variety and today we heard him make sounds like a bunch of feeder pigs! Anyway, after 30 to 40 minutes of the worst snorts and grunts ever recorded, he suddenly wakes up, and barks, "squad 120 is up, we'll be on deck soon." That's our Piddler.

    Tomorrow is the big day. The national field trial championships. Piddler will be there, hopefully he'll be awake. Almost Hairless will be there and so too will Sir Barks Alot. The Rover will be there, if some one brings him, because the dogs are on squad 100 not 1. The Prez will be there, not that it matters, he hasn't found much all week. Sewer Dog will be there but thankfully he'll be on another squad. I don't think his friends would appreciate the Sewer Dogs new found "secret" weapon. Wish the dogs luck, they need it.

    Reporting live, Mark Zauhar, Dog Squad historian.
     
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