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Mn Dog Squad Returns to the SW Grand

Discussion in 'Shooting Related Threads' started by Pride Engineer, Apr 12, 2010.

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  1. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Yes shooters, it is the Mn Dog Squad again. We have not seen the report for some time but many felt it was time the story of these fun loving shooters be recorded once again, so here it is.

    The squad is missing two of it's members, one of them, the leader of the pack. Yes, it's true, The Big Dog himself is not here in San Antonio. It seems the Dog is rehearsing. Rehearsing you ask? Yes, The Big Dog is returning to the entertainment field. Having earned his spurs, and handcuffs, in the movie making business, he now finds himself as a candidate for the next version of Dancing With the Stars. They have not yet decided who he might partner with. They have, however, decided that for his costume, the pink tutu is out as is his bright red thong, thank God.

    In addition to the missing Big Dog, The Schnauzer didn't make it to the retrieve in Texas. Unlike the Dancing With the Stars Big Dog, we have no sure reason for The Schnauzers absence. Some have speculated Penny The Poodle may have tightened his choke collar. Others think maybe he was worried he would be the low retriever every event without the Big Dog here flailing away. You can speculate for yourself why The Schnauzer is absent from the competition. With this pooch, any reason is possible.

    The good news is, the squad picked up a stray to fill in. Yes, Sir Barks Alot is holding down The Schnauzers post one. So who is Sir Barks Alot? Well, I can't reveal his name, Dog Squad ethics you know, but I can tell you he is an escapee from the Southeastern Minnesota kennels. He also has been known to give his many varied opinions quite freely, hence, Sir Barks Alot.

    Todays scores were kind of a wash. The Prez and Almost Hairless tied in the singles with 99's. The Piddler found 98 and Barks Alot located 97. In the handicap, Barks Alot showed some promise, retrieving 89. The Prez was next with 86, Almost Hairless at 84, and The Piddler could only muster a disappointing 76, which is very close to his age we think.

    The Doubles gave The Piddler a chance to strut his stuff. He started strong finding 49 on the first field and continued to look tough until the last two posts. Here, his choke collar must have relocated to a lower male extremity area and caused the usual Piddler collapse. He finished with a 96 total and squeeked by with the squad win. The Prez followed with a 95, Almost Hairless found 94 after a shakey start, and poor Barks Alot, he must have looked under every bush before locating a dissappointing 86.

    So it ended with each Dog winning a bone and The Prez taking squad HOA for the day. Tomorrow the pups will do it all again. Will The Piddler loosen the choke collar? Will Barks Alot find the double retrieves? Can The Prez and Almost Hairless continue strong in the singles?

    Check in tomorrow for the official report.

    Mark Zauhar, your official Dog Squad scribe with assistance from cub reporter, Lindsay Zauhar.
     
  2. sle081

    sle081 Member

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    It good to hear and see the scribe has returned!!!! I wish I could be there to join my squad mates and provide the fodder for the evening muse!!!

    Break them all I Will be watching and reading each day!!

    DOG
     
  3. crusha

    crusha TS Member

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    Well! I've never been so offended in all my life! (Stomps away in a huff)
     
  4. Phil Kiner

    Phil Kiner Well-Known Member

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    PREZ-- I am so offended that you have started posting again, I guess I better warn the sheep that you guys are back in action.
     
  5. razor

    razor TS Member

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    if it wasn't for lindsay this pack of dogs would run wild pissing on everything they run across. as both ellie & i have witness at the heartland grand the past two years. keep them tied up lindsay, razor & ellie
     
  6. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    The second day of retrieving is now in the books. The dogs did their best but unfortunately, only the Prez was able to find enough in an event to make the top list. He returned 100 in the singles leaving him in a carryover. Barks Alot and Almost Hairless both located 98 and our new whipping boy, The Piddler, stumbled in with 96. In the caps, Barks Alot retrieved 90 to lead the pack. He was followed closely by The Prez with 89, next was Almost Hairless at 86, and The Piddler was last with 83. In the doubles, there was another new high gun for the day. Almost Hairless recorded 97, The Prez was close at 95, The Piddler escaped being last in every event with a 92, barely beating Barks Alot at 90.

    The story today belongs to The Piddler. He missed the first target of the day and just kept missing. Is it Pretty Pam being here causing him problems? Is it the absense of his old running mate, The Big Dog? Or is it the freshly refinished gunstock he just picked up? Who knows what it is. One thing for sure though, The Schnauzer is probably back home wishing he were here competing, as even he would have been able to best the poor Piddler today.

    Second on the list though, would be the new squad members collapse in the singles. With 10 retrieves to go, The Barks Alot was straight. He then must have suffered an attack of the dog fleas or something. He dropped two, starting a flurry of misses by The Piddler and Almost Hairless.

    In some unrelated news, we heard from the Big Dog's business agent. It seems the Dancing with the Stars deal fell through. It was something about his lack of coordination and his big feet stepping on the partners toes. The good news is though, it now appears there is some interest in him returning to the professional wrestling ring. The WWF apparently is planning a seniors Wrestlemania. They will be matching The Big Dog with one of the old female wrestlers. The Big Dog first turned down the match but when he heard his opponent possesses the desired 150 pounders, he quickly accepted. There is also talk of the WWF allowing The Dog to wear his pink thong. We will report all the disgusting details as soon as the event takes place.


    Reporting live from the National Shooting Complex in San Antonio, Texas. Mark Zauhar, traveling Dog Squad reporter.
     
  7. sle081

    sle081 Member

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    150 Pounders?? Back in the Ring?? Take the thong out of storage??

    Where is the Geritol and my Wheaties

    I could be ready you know a comback may be in the wind!!!

    DOG
     
  8. sle081

    sle081 Member

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    Good luck and good weather to the DOGS as they head into the big days ahead.

    Want to see the photo spread of the trophy haul

    DOG
     
  9. WoodsonEnt

    WoodsonEnt Active Member

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    Any word on retrieves for Wednesday? A loyal follower is in despair waiting on the news........
     
  10. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Trophys, huh, so far we are perfect, we have none. No one is doing much. Yesterdays hero, the Prez, was in a carry over after his 100 yesterday in the singles and he came in with a blazing 97! Today, the only good score was Barks Alot with the 100 in singles. Hope he can show how a carry over is supposed to work tomorrow. A 97 seemed to be the singles score today. Both the Piddler and Almost Hairless managed the same number of retrieves in the singles as the Prez, 97! Oh, I almost forgot. We added a new squad member today. Black Hills Pup joined us and immediately started shooting post two like his predecessor, The Big Dog. He found a whopping 93. Yep, he shoots like The Dog alright. Too bad he doesn't have the same Greek God physique possessed by The Dog. I mean Black Hills Pup can only weigh 120 pounds dripping wet, a number far less then the Dogs right leg and less then the magical 150 pounders the Dog prefers in his female types.

    In the caps, the Dogs seemed to have lost their sense of smell again. Barks Alot located 89, Black Hills Pup found 91, not exactly Big Dog type numbers for sure. The Prez flailed away like the Piddler of yesterday returning only 86. Almost Hairless won the trial with a 92 and The Piddler shot another career high at 85. So how does a retriever like The Piddler get to the 27 yard line with a career high 85? It must be that northern Minnesota mystique.

    The doubles were kind of like the caps, very ordinary. Barks Alot managed 89, Black Hills Pup 94, The Prez, an 89 after dropping six out of the first twenty, and The Piddler and Almost Hairless found 96 each. It's hard to say who the day belonged to. We can say for sure though that The Prez may want to take up fishing.

    And that's the way it was, April 14, 2010. Mark Zauhar your Dog Squad Trainer
     
  11. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Today was a day for the Dogs. That is if they were water spaniels. It rained, it rained hard, it drizzled, and it rained hard again. If it weren't a satellite grand, I'm sure the Dogs might have just gone hunting. But some of them didn't. At least three brave shooters, we'll call them "the spaniels", shot all three events. The Prez was a spaniel, Barks Alot was a spaniel, and even newcomer Black Hills Pup was a spaniel. But our tough, northern Minnesota "outdoorsman" The Piddler, and our doubles whiz, Almost Hairless, weren't spaniels. No, they were pussies, they opted for the warmth of their campers and didn't attempt even one retrieve. Shame on them, maybe it's time for The Big Dog to put the "sleeper" hold on them. Teach them a thing or two. Maybe he will when he's done with the restart of his famous movie career.

    Oh well, back to the news reporting. As he has done before, The Prez led the pack in the singles with a 100. Both Barks Alot and Black Hills Pup found 97 and of course the Piddler and Almost Hairless found none. In the caps, Barks Alot was the hero locating 91. Black Hills Pup retrieved 83 and the Prez could only find 81 in the rain and wind. The Piddler and Almost Hairless found none. In the doubles, The Prez and Black Hills Pup found 94, Barks Alot retrieved 92. The Piddler and Almost Hairless found, you guessed it, none.

    Now, do you sense a little bitterness here. No, there isn't any. However, there was a retriever, looking much like our friend The Piddler, spotted sneaking into a womens clothing shop dressed in a pink shirt with pretty flowers covering all of the front. Down the back was a bright yellow streak. His trousers were bright lavender and he wore open toed, high heeled shoes. Was this The Piddler? It's hard to say. He did have a Perazzi hat on, and he had a purse that had "Free Love For Real Men" stiched on the side. Now before you jump to conclusions, his earing was in a certain ear. Could it be The Piddler left the squad alone in the weather only to satisfy some strange lust? Let's hope not!!

    Reporting all the lovely details, from San Antonio, Texas, Mark Zauhar, Dog Squad Scribe.
     
  12. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Zardo, I doubt if harrassment will be needed. From the look on his face, I would bet he enjoyed it.
     
  13. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    There was a bit more to report today. The Dogs didn't exactly come alive but they at least did not go out with a wimper. In the singles, Almost Hairless broke into the 100 column with 100 well hit targets. The Prez messed up his carryover with a miss at 95 and settled for 99. Black Hills Pup also found 99, The Piddler, in his open toed high heels, located 98 and Barks Alot must have gone blind with a 92!

    In the caps, Barks Alot found his nose sniffing out 96 and a spot in the fetch offs. The Piddler, back shooting in his open toed shoes and lavender pedal pushers found 90. Almost hairless, dressed appropriately, matched The Piddler at 90. The Prez, still looking a bit lost, retrieved 88 as did Black Hills Pup.

    In the doubles retrieves, Almost Hairless and the Black Hills Pup had matching 98's. Black Hills took the Junior Retriever class with his score. Barks Alot found 93, The Piddler was at 92 and the poor Prez was again sucking hind you know what at 91.

    Well enough of the scores. Let's get down to the real business. What disgusting outfit will The Piddler be spotted in next? A quick call to his running mate, The Big Dog in Dulute, Minnesota, gave us a tip into what we might expect. Apparently The Piddler was into The Big Dogs pawn shop shopping just before he left for San Antonio. The Dog has informed me we should be on the lookout for a lime green miniskirt and a see through black blouse. I guess this should look good with the pink tennis shoes he apparently purchased.

    Enough of the Piddler stories. Let's get to the Big Dog himself. After all, he is the one that abandoned his liter mates and stayed home. At first we wondered why? Was it the Dancing with the Stars gig? Was it his return to the movies he was so famous for? No, it was neither of these. We have now learned that a return to pro football is a strong possibility. You know the Dog did star on Vince Lombardy's last NFL championship team. That was before his pro wrestling career which of course preceeded his movie career. It seems the Minnesota Vikings head coach, the genius he is, has decided he needs to have a back up plan should Brett Favre retire for good. No, The Dog won't play quarterback, Childress's plan is for the Dog to model his pink thong while the post game interviews are taking place. Chilli thinks the reporters will be to distracted to question why the Vikes lost again. The sight of The Dog in a thong would likely be distracting, unless maybe you are a lady with tattos and 150 pounders.

    Mark Zauhar, the Dog Squads version of Ned Buntline.
     
  14. Duluth Fatboy

    Duluth Fatboy Banned User Banned

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    Well Prez are the fish running in the river next to your coach? Looks like Precious and I are going for the high country!!!! The Piddler
     
  15. sle081

    sle081 Member

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    I understand they have suspended shooting and are getting ready for the canoe race??
    Sounds like the Piddler retreiver has packed and retreated to to higher gound!!

    Don't float away boys and girls
    DOG
     
  16. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Yes, they suspended shooting for Saturday and cut the singles to 100 retrieves. Oh, The Piddler did tuck tail and run Saturday AM. I think maybe his cross dressing being outed may have contributed to his departure. You should have seen our first trap today, they were lined up four deep waiting to see our Piddler in his latest outfit. Too bad they were disappointed!

    The Dogs were down to three and a couple of wannabes. The Prez was there, Almost Hairless was there, as was Black Hills Pup. Unfortunately, Barks Alot pussied out like our cross dresser, The Piddler. The Prez led the way in the singles with another 99 complete with another 90 something loss. Almost came in with 98 and Black Hills was really off with something around 90. In the twin retrieves, The Prez and Almost tied with 95's and Black Hills led the way with 96. In the caps, Black Hills pussied out like The Piddler and Barks Alot leaving The Prez and Almost Hairless to fight it out. Almost bested The Prez, 87 to 85.

    With this final day of the SW Grand now in the books, I will now conclude the retrieving report. Look for more when the Dogs continue their summer retrieve program at the Minnesota State shoot, the Iowa State shoot, and the Grand American.

    Mark Zauhar, Chief Kennel Manager of the Dog Squad.
     
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