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MN DOG SQUAD RETURNS TO SAN ANTONIO%%%%

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Sixshooter, Apr 15, 2007.

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  1. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    Yes fans, once again the Dog Squad will again run as a pack here in San Antonio. Almost Hairless, The Schnauzer, The Piddler, The Prez, and the leader of the pack, The Big Dog, are all here to shoot the SW Grand and terrorize the rest of the field.

    Today was a warm up day, but the boys were eager to begin their retreives. In the singles, all the dogs performed well but only the Prez was able to clean the field. Almost hairless found 98 and the rest of the pack sniffed out 97's. In the caps, the Prez again showed the way with a 92. The Piddler and the Big Dog finished neck to neck with 91's. Almost Hairless and the Schnauzer finished in the higher 80's. All the Dogs called it a day after the caps as the twin birds looked to go late into the evening.

    The Dogs, besides making the retreives, had an opportunity to relive some of their past when they walked by the "field of dreams." Yes, that field of dreams. The field where just last year, The Big Dog, had one of his famous trap marking sessions. No, it wasn't his famous mark of victory where he stomps up to the trap and pisses profusely on all four corners. It was the famous premature release the Big Dog is famous for. Yes, it was the trap that recieved a full blast of number 7 1/2's from the Big Dogs 35" Perazzi. Yes, it was from his Perazzi, not from the part of him from which he was named!

    Well, enough of that, tomorrow the shoot starts for real. I will, of course, cover each retrieve as well as every notable pooch escapade for all you fans of the MN Dog Squad.

    Goodnight from Texas, Mark Zauhar, your faithful pooch penner, and my able assistant, Lindsay Zauhar.
     
  2. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    Well the first day of the Southwest Grand is history and the Minnesota Barkers made a heck of an impression on the many shooters in attendance. In the singles, the Prez continued on a singles shooting roll retreiving all 100 of the available birds. Almost Hairless, The Piddler, and yes, even the Big Dog were next with 99 of 100 retreives. The Prez's 100 was good for a carry over with three other AAA retreivers and The Big Dog's 99 left him in a class A carry over as well. The Dogs kind of took the Caps off with Almost Hairless and The Schnauzer leading the team with 88's. The Prez and the Piddler could only manage 87's and the poor Big Dog was once again barking up the wrong tree with 85. The best was yet to come though as the twin birds were soon released. Almost Hairless set the pace for everyone with a 98, winning the event outright in pretty windy conditions. The Prez and The Piddler appear to be in a carry over in class AA with 96's. The Big Dog finished with 93 and the poor Schnauzer is still on the very beginning of the doubles learning curve with something in the 80's.

    As always, the real story comes off of the retreiving field. The poor Piddler finally paid up for the Prez's recent 100 staight from 27 yards. Yes, he came to todays event with his muzzle bare once again. It was a good thing the sun was not out full today as the reflection off the Piddlers bare upper lip would have likely inhibited the retreivers aim.

    The Big Dog of course, always seems to be able to create some sort of newsworthy event. It seems he left his shooting pouch on the back of the Prez's Doggy cart. In the process of driving to the retreiving field, the pouch ended up tipping and spreading all of the Dogs equipment on the ground. The Dog was frantic. Searching the ground on all fours, reminding us all of his days under the great Vince Lombardi where he cleared the way for Jim Taylor, the Dog seemed obsessed with finding something. We soon learned the poor Dog had lost his ear plugs and was fearful his brains might soon leak to the ground! I know this seems hard to fathom, the Dog with brains that is, but you must remember, the constant pounding the Dog absorbed during his NFL and WWF careers has left him confused at times.

    Many questions have left to be answered as the Dogs retreive their way into the SW Grand history books. Will the Big Dog regain his composure and once again wreak the havoc he has known to generate? Will The Piddler recover from his latest humiliating shave? Will Almost Hairless and The Prez continue to lead in the trophy retreive? Will the poor Schnauzer ever learn to make twin retreives? Catch tomorrows edition of Retreiver News here on TS.Com for the continuing live coverage.

    Your eyes on the scene, Mark Zauhar, reporting live from windy, cool, San Antonio.
     
  3. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    The second day of the SW Grand is in the books. The famous Dogs did it again in the trophy winning catagory with the Prez winning his carry over for the Monday Singles Championship by getting the first 75 retreives perfectly. Unfortunately the 76th bird escaped his teeth and left him with a 99. The Big Dog matched the Prez and Almost Hairless found 98. The poor Piddler is suffering through the "loss of hair" doldrums and carded a 94! The Schnauzer was satisfied to just slip by the Piddler with a 95.

    In the caps, the Big Dog was high with a 94. Almost hairless brought back 93 and the Prez was next with a 92. The Piddler and the Schnauzer followed the lead dogs with scores in the high 80's. The doubles were solid but not spectacular. The Piddler managed to capture 97 of the little buggers. The Prez was next with 96, Almost Hairless at 95, followed by the Big Dog with 93. The Schnauzer, was again at the rear, with something in the 80's.

    The Big Dog was the talk of the shoot today however. He performed a feat unmatched in the history of the SW Grand. You see, the Dogs 94 left in him a shootoff in the almost long yardage class of 25-26 1/2. The Dog took his position at the shootoff trap when called along with his opponent. Then the Big Fella marched to the side of the trap house and releived himself on all four corners of the house. I know this sounds crude, but what happened next was even more unbelievable. The Dog got down on all fours, sniffed the ground while scratching the turf with his hind feet. After a few grunts and snarls, the Dog got to his feet and stomped to the bench to sit and wait for his opponent. Well, we can only assume the poor guy who was to shoot against the Big Dog must have witnessed this obvious display of male testosterone and decided shooting against the Big Dog was hopeless. He must have left, too intimidated to shoot, leaving the trophy for our leader. One can see why the Dog is so admired by the throngs of fans that follow the Dog Squad.

    So the Dogs captured two of three Monday Championships and earned, or scared, their way to another trophy today. Will the trophy bags get fuller, will the Dog continue his dominance, will the Piddler use todays doubles lead as a spring board to future success, will the Schnauzer ever get off the 25 yard line, or will Almost Hairless win another doubles championship? Tune in tomorrow for the doggy details.

    Reporting live, as it happens, in San Antonio, Texas where every thing is big, especially the dogs!

    Mark Zauhar
     
  4. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    Welcome once again to the SW Grand Dog Squad report. Today was a great day here in San Antonio. The day started quite windy and the wind did affect the scores some in the singles. The squad actually shot pretty good but alas, there were no super heros. The Schnauzer was last with a lower mid ninty score. The Piddler and the Prez brought back 98's, and our hero, the Big Dog and Almost Hairless returned 99's. Yes, you heard right, the Big Dog tied for high. As you can imagine, he was struting and marking the scorers stools on each of the fields. God help us if he ever runs the whole hundred.

    The caps were dominated by the Prez with a 95. Only a classic choke prevented him from carding a better score. Three of the misses came on the last trap. Almost Hairless was next with a 91. The Big Dog and the Schnauzer were in the high eighty's and the poor Piddler was in the next decade down. Yes, it seems the Piddler is still suffering from a bad case of Samsonitus. That is, he can't shoot without his muzzel hair.

    The doubles were dominated by everyone. Almost Hairless led with a 99. Next was our leader the Big Dog with a 98. They were followed by the Piddler, who finally did something good, and the Prez with 97's. Even the Schnauzer had something to bark about with a 95, a personal best for the little yipper.

    The dogs left the range for dinner on a real high note. Those doubles scores were fantastic and without a doubt, the best squad total ever. But it was at a local steak place that the most noteworthy event happened for the day. You see, the Dogs were all huddled togeather with their steady lady dogs at a table near the restaurants entrance. Soon a couple of real lady looker type dogs entered the front door. For those of us with lady dogs present, we of course didn't notice these fine specimens, or at least we pretended not to. The Big Dog of course, being single, spotted them immediately. It was then we learned something more about his unique abilities. You might remember, in Florida we learned the truth about his past. His years with the Green Bay Packers, his years with the WWF, and his stardom in the porno industry. But tonight we learned even more. You see, tonight we learned the Big Dog is of the pointer variety. When the hot bitches appeared at the door, the Big Dog went on point! Yes we learned after all these years, the Big Dog is really more of a pointer then a retreiver! So of course, we wondered, what kind of pointer is the Big Dog? Is he a German Short Hair? Couldn't be, nothing on the Big Dog is short. Is he an English Pointer? Couldn't be, he barely speaks English. Soon it became obvious to all of us that were present. The Big Dog is a JOHNSON POINTER!!!

    Reporting live, as it happens, Mark and Lindsay Zauhar, traveling scribes for the Minnesota Dog Squad
     
  5. handlepuller

    handlepuller Well-Known Member

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    That is pretty dang funny Mark.
     
  6. mono1393

    mono1393 Member

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    Great re-caps! Thanks.
     
  7. 65614

    65614 TS Member

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    Mark-We always enjoy your shoot updates. BTW, we were able to make it home after the Fl State Shoot without bending our new toy.
    Good Luck Shooting.
    Ronnie
     
  8. glenn mcleod

    glenn mcleod Member

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    Mark, Sounds like you're having a good time. Have you decided when and where the next board meeting will be held? Let's have it at a club when a shoot is scheduled so we can have some fun with the work. The snow is all gone, you can come back to Mn. now. Glenn mcleod
     
  9. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    The Dogs once again took to the field today under sunny skies and some variable winds. The singles were disappointing for all the Dogs except Almost Hairless, who ran his first hundred of the week. The rest of the boys were all at 97 or below. In the caps, 92 was the top score and it was retreived by The Prez, Almost Hairless, and the Big Dog. The other boys were below 90. The doubles were also pretty much gone to the Dogs as well. The Prez was high with 97, and the rest were 95 and below. Needless to say, only Almost Hairless with his 100 in singles is endanger of retreiving a trophy in todays field trial.

    Not much of the usual exciting stuff happened today after shooting was over either. We did, though, uncover another plot by our leader, The Big Dog, to propagate the San Antonio area with little pups. You see, since his usual technique of smelling butts has not produced any suitable female Big Dogs, he devised a new technique. He left his cell phone in one of the vendor buildings, and then was apparently calling his own number every few minutes hoping a hot female would answer. It isn't bad strategy if he would have picked a vendor that maybe had a lose female present now and then, say Lassies Secrets or something. He left it in the Perazzi building and any loose female there likely would have been quickly collared by one of the Italian men that frequent the place. The poor Dog may be down but he is never out. We expect him to have a fresh plan for tomorrow ready before he curls up for the evening.

    Probably the biggest shocker was a scoring glich on the RJ Stuart scoring system. For some reason, the monitors were showing the Dog Squad had shot todays handicap quite well. It had the Prez and The Piddler retreiving 100's, The Big Dog with a 99, and the other two canines just below that. Now this was great news except we had not even yet taken the line! But not to worry, everyone soon realized it was a mistake. They all knew that while The Prez was capable of the perfect 100 retreives, The Piddler had no chance, it had to be an error!

    Sniffing out todays stories for the fans of the Dog Squad, Mark and Lindsay Zauhar, certified dog handlers and trainers.
     
  10. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    Friday is history at the SW Grand and the MN Dog Squad had another pretty good day. Both Almost Hairless and The Piddler ran the 100 singles. It was the second 100 in a row for Almost Hairless. If he gets the 200 tomorrow, we'll have to call him hairless as his head will swell so large the little hair that is there now will appear to disappear I'm sure.

    In the caps, The Prez took over, dropping 95 of the little buggers. The 95 was good enough for a shootoff for the long yardage runner up trophy. The Prez performed his usual shoot and out trick; but in his defense, there were about 15 shooting for one trophy.

    The doubles were ruled by the Piddler and the Big Dog. The Piddler retreived 98, good for a tie in AA. The Big Dog brought back 97, good for a tie in A runnerup. Only the Schnauzer was shut out today. He went to a card game tonite though, so maybe his luck will change.

    I must say, the Dog Squad is beginning to have quite a following. Again today, two people I have never met, approached me to inquire if we were the MN Dog Squad. It seems I am not he only one who is experiencing this phenomenon. Several shooters have approached the Big Dog also to see if he was THE real deal. With this spreading popularity, the Piddler and I put our tails togeather and devised a marketing plan for the Big Dogs fame and fortune. I have been selected to be the Big Dogs business agent, since of course, I am the Prez. The Piddler will be The Big Dogs Press Secretary and lead trainer. This will be a good post for the Piddler, as he will fit neatly in the Big Dogs impressive shadow.

    The Piddler and I, after much discussion, decided the first promotion for our leader had to be trap related, since the Dog is so well known in ATA circles. It also had to be something in which the Dogs vast experience would be well utilized. Thinking a bit, a difficult assignment for the Piddler, led us to the conclusion that the past experience the Dog has had dating would be a great starting place. Those of you that have folloed the Dog's escapades may remember his discription of past dates. The most famous of which has to be his disclosure that he "has dated women with breasts that weigh 150 pounds." It was this piece of the Big Dogs past that we will first take to market.

    Yes, The Piddler and I have decided the Dog will soon began a breast classification career. Each individual will be carefully classified by the Dog and then recieve the Big Dogs signature. Now we know the demand will be strong. We believe the Dogs previous experience as a WWF wrestler, a Packer player, and as a porn star, will prove invaluable as he embarks on his new career. Our only concern of course will be the cleanliness of the worlds female population. Imagine the implication of thousands of women unwilling to wash, lest they remove the Dogs inked autograph.

    Now you may be interested to know the Dogs reaction when his new career path was first revealed to him. No, he didn't imediately begin marking the trap houses. No, he didn't paw the ground. Instead, a strange smile appeared on his face. He scratched himself as do many baseball players, and then hurried off to the store to pick up one hundred dozen sharpie pens. Women of America, be prepared!

    Mark Zauhar, shooter, Big Dog biographer and business agent, reporting live from San Antonio
     
  11. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    The Saturday Singles are over and the Dog Squad came close but no milkbones are being eaten tonight in celebration of any trophies. The Prez was top dog today with a 199. Unfortunately he was first in the shootoff for AAA champion, first to go out! The Piddler and Almost Hairless both fell just short in their carry over bids. There were only two 200's so the scores were a bit tough to get today.

    Of course the Dog Squads shooting is only one aspect of the festivities. We have many things to report tonight. First and foremost was of course the Big Dog strutting the trap fields with sharpie pens in his pocket. The new classification business was a bit slow for the Big Dog today. It seems some of the younger gals were avoiding classification. Last I saw, he had given up on the young ones and was in search of "older" opportunities. He said he tried the vet class but was having better luck in the senior vet class. He was running into a problem though, as he was unsure how "droop" should be factored in!

    We also found out a few tid bits about the Big Dogs favorite pack mate, the Piddler. The reason behind the Piddlers unusual gun mount has been found. You see, The Piddler, as a young pup, was an experienced violin player. Apparently, our iron worker squad mate, was a child protege on the fiddle. He was so used to tucking that violin under his chin, he thinks he needs to do the same with his Perazzi. After all these years, we now know the answer to his problem, The Piddler was a "Fiddler."

    The entire squad wore Pride Engineering hats and shirts today. The Schnauzer looked dapper except it was hard to read Engineering on the bottom of the shirt due to his case of Dicky Doo Disease. That is, his belly stuck out further then his dicky doo. The Big Dog looked as though he could start a new business as a walking billboard. The Prez decided he needs to compensate the Big Dog for all the advertising he got from the Dog wearing the Pride shirt today. Since The Dog already owns every sharpie pen in the country, The Prez is looking for a supply of ace bandages to help The Dog cure the droop issue. Almost Hairless must have spent so much time admiring himself in the garb, he forgot to bring his best retreiver nose to the field. He missed the eighth target out!

    While the dogs gathered no hardware today, we did have fun and look forward to tomorrows last day festivities. Look for the final report on Monday as I think the Prez may be a bit too tired tomorrow after driving the Dog Pound Bus late into the night on the way home to Minnesota. Thank god for GPS systems. It's been so long since the Prez was in Minnesota, he may not have been able to find home.

    Mark Zauhar, wearing his choke chain a bit tight, reporting live from San Antonio.
     
  12. dward

    dward Member

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    Mark - I whole heartedly agree with the Lit that you do a great job writing these posts!! You're probably shooting the doubles or handicap as I write this and I'm hoping to see another 100x27. It was good to see you and Jerry in the shoot off for singles. Sorry it didn't go well for you but it looked like Jerry was still in it.

    You and Lindsay have a safe drive home and I look forward to seeing you out at the club!

    Big Dan
     
  13. Hitapair

    Hitapair Active Member

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    This is Sunday, not Friday, Dan!
     
  14. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    The Dog Squad had a great shoot in San Antonio. All of the canines won trophies and were in shootoffs for several more. The Prez won Mondays singles and shot off for a trophys in event 14, and event 16. He claims it was only a bug that flew into his eye that kept him from sweeping those shootoffs. We think it had more to do with some guys named Stafford, Reed, Demulling, Campbell and guys like them.

    Almost Hairless captured the opening day doubles championship and also was in two carry overs for singles. Unfortunately, the same bug must have gotton him as well.

    The Schnauzer even won a trophy. He retreived the class C doubles crown in event 9. I know the question you have on this one. What is someone from the famous Dog Squad doing in class C anyway. Of course, we keep him around just to provide some balance to our group. It keeps us grounded. Besides, last year he was in class D for doubles, so we are rubbing off on him. If he ever gets to class A, we may have to dump him to retain our balance.

    The Piddler defied the odds and claimed two doubles crowns. He found the class AA R/U trophys in events 15 and 17. It was a good thing he figured out how to shoot doubles because he sure can't shoot the caps. I guess violin players can't shoot from long yardage. Maybe we'll just have him skip the caps in the future and sit back at the scorers table and play mood music while we shoot. I can see the headlines now, The Piddler fiddles while the Dogs howl!
    Or something like that.

    Of course you are all wondering what did the famous Big Dog do? Did he relive his past exploits at San Antonio and walk away with more then his fair share of hardware. Or did he sneak off to the sleezy side of town and watch some of his old porno movies? Rest assured Dog fans, the Big Guy stomped away with the hardware again. The Johnson pointer was on point for the class A R/U in event 15 doubles, class A winner in event 17 championship doubles, and sniffed out the HAA class A award as well.

    Of course the Big Dog, for all his weaknesses, handled his victories well. A strange smirk, a few licks to his eye brows, a few Big Dog marks on a couple of the trap houses, the corners of the club house, and the wheels on the Prez's motor home and he seemed to be satisfied. What really seemed to please the Dog more then winning the trophys though, was what happened during the Handicap Championship. The Dogs were all waiting to shoot the last trap. A loader was late clearing the trap house keeping the Dogs standing in wait at the line. When the person finally cleared the house, it was obviously an attractive young female type that appeared to be well on the way to possessing the Big Dogs famous 150 pounders. Now what happened next was quite unexpected by most of the Dog Squad. As the young lady walked past the shooters, she looked only at the Big Dog and smiled. It was like the rest of the squad did not exist. At first it seemed this happening would go down in Riplys believe it or not. But after having time to reflect on it, it is obvious what happened. The Big Dog must have been on point!

    This brings to a close the reporting of the Dog Squad until the next gathering of the pack. The hounds plan to attend the Minnesota State Shoot where I hear they have a great program and run a fantastic shoot. It seems they have a great guy there who is President of the Association. Don't know him personally but if the Big Dog likes him, he has to be good, right?

    See you at the Minnesota State Shoot. If for some reason you can't make it, I plan to offer the same bark by bark reporting. Mark (I always tell the truth) Zauhar
     
  15. Duluth Fatboy

    Duluth Fatboy Banned User Banned

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    Well Prez we have another shoot under our belt. It was a great time as always, and no I will not be playing the violin unless it says Perazzi on it. Talk to you later The Pup
     
  16. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

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    It couldn't say Perazzi on it because if it did, the strings would break all the time!
     
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