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Minnesota Dog Squad Shoots The Southern Grand

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Pride Engineer, Mar 6, 2008.

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  1. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Yes dog lovers, it will soon be the first Minnesota Dog Squad gathering of the new year. But alas, our leader, our hero, and our namesake will not be here to join us. Believe it or not, The Big Dog, all six foot nine and 467 pounds of him, (and we aren't talking about his height) will remain in Duluth, Minnesota. Word has it that some of his hotter bitches will be in town and might be in heat. You all know what happens to a male dog when confronted by a hot female. I hear tell the howling and scratching can be heard for blocks around the Big Dogs kennel. Not only that, but the snow banks on the whole block have been stained yellow as the Dog has been scenting for the last three weeks!

    The Prez, The Piddler and Almost Hairless have already arrived at the Dollar. Last to show will be The Schnauzer. Today the Piddler and The Prez did a little warming up. Both attempted to fetch 100 of each kind of retrieve in the Silver Dollars White Flyer shoot. The Piddler was awesome today. The little squirter tallied 100 in the singles, only an 89 in the caps but recorded another 100 in the doubles, the second of his retrieving career. The Prez kept pace with the 100 singles, squeeked by the Piddler in the caps with a 92, but lost it in the doubles with a 96. Of course the Piddler has acquired a bad case of "hard mouth" after this once in a Piddler lifetime day. The Prez was forced to remove the roof on his golf cart to accomodate the Piddlers now large cranium. Unfortunately, Almost Hairless was out touring with Mrs. Almost and missed the Piddlers achievement.

    Look for the complete and accurate report here on Trapshooters as this field trial continues in the upcoming week. We will, of course, have all the retrieving reports as well as the special interest stories that seem to follow this bunch of Dogs wherever they roam. We will also likely have reports on the Big Dog himself, via satellite of course, as he sniffs out Duluth's hottest 150 pounders.

    Reporting live from the Silver Dollar in sunny Florida, Mark Zauhar, formerly of 72 Minutes.
     
  2. PNT

    PNT Member

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    Mark, you lucky dog. Right now it's 11 below 0, here in N. MN, on its way to a forecast 23 below in the morning. And I'm not talking wind chill.
     
  3. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Well it isn't all peaches and cream here either. It actually rained a bit today although the temp was in the low 70's, Heh, Heh. It's supposed to be a bit windy and rainy this weekend but early forecastes are for a great week for the grand.

    All the Floridians think this weather is a bit rough. I just laugh and think of you poor devils.

    As for you Lit, climb back in your cage with your ewes. You are only allowed out on Friday nights after the grade school children are in for the night.
     
  4. ric3677

    ric3677 Well-Known Member

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    Mark,

    How are you ever going to be able to shoot without the big dog?

    shoot well and have fun.....Rickyd
     
  5. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Yes it will be tough to shoot without The Big Dog. There are some things we won't miss though. Like the flying concrete that happens everytime the Dog blasts the back of the trap house. Or the adoring glances cast his way by the tattoed scoring girl with the 150 pound boobs. Or the victory marks he puts on the last house after a good score. Yes, there are some traits of The Big Dog we can miss.
     
  6. Duluth Fatboy

    Duluth Fatboy Banned User Banned

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    Can you beleive the Prez backed out on shaving after I shot a 100 in the Doubles on Thursday. What do you think should he shave? The Pup
     
  7. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    I see by the preceding post, The Piddler is trying his hand at writing. I was unaware that the northern Minnesota iron rangers were ever taught writing in school. I was told they are purposely kept illiterate so that in the event they ever divorce, they will not question why their ex is no longer their wife but is still their sister!!!

    He is likely just upset by the fact that after his 100 in doubles in a preliminary event earlier in the WhiteFlyer shoot here at the dollar, he failed to repeat in the much more important event in the same tournament. The poor Piddler finished tied for second in the championship doubles losing to the champion Prez 96 to 97. We think maybe his choke collar must have gotten too tight.

    In the caps, the Piddler was again beaten by the surging Prez. The poor Piddler was last seen with his tool kit, making adjustments to his gun. We just hope his ego has not been too badly damaged for the upcoming Southern Grand Retrieve.

    Both the Schnauzer and Almost Hairless are here with their better halves. Both spent the afternoon sharpening their retreiving skills on the practice trap. To hear The Schnauzer talk, all the top dogs (not to be confused with our own Big Dog, home sunbathing in Duluth) better be ready. The Schnauzer claimed to be fetching everything in both the singles and the caps. We'll see, we've heard this kind of dog poop from him in the past only to have the field left littered with whole birds.

    Reporting live from The Siver Dollar, Mark Zauhar, also known as "The Ned Buntline" for The Big Dog!
     
  8. JB Logan Co. Ohio

    JB Logan Co. Ohio TS Member

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    pride engineer- I shot there Thurs. and Fri. What squads did you shoot. What did you think of the little blow on Fri?

    JB=Jerry Beach 8503917
     
  9. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    The wind was bad on Friday and Saturday. The Dogs stayed in the kennel on Friday and Saturday. They have learned the scenting conditions are too tough to make good retreives on days like those.

    I don't remember for sure what squads we shot on Thursday. I think it was around 11 for singles, maybe 1 on the caps, and 5 or 7 on doubles. The Piddler retreived the 100 in the doubles and we both ran the singles that day.
     
  10. JB Logan Co. Ohio

    JB Logan Co. Ohio TS Member

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    I'm sorry I didn't get to "chew the bone" with you guys. I would have liked to introduce myself so I can say I met the dogpound! Until we do....

    JB=Jerry Beach 8503917
     
  11. sle081

    sle081 Member

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    Here in the north those of us who had to stay behind and guard the kennel wait to hear how the opening events fair.The water is again frozen in the dish,with snow falling here and there.The Big Dog has high hopes for the kennel mates. Shootem well
    I know the rest of the team is enjoying the balmy breeze of our southern friends. Waiting to hear the big numbers roll in
    DOG
     
  12. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Mondays retrieves are now history. There were no heros today but some dogs did come close. In the singles, Almost hairless and the Prez both carded 99's. The poor Piddler woofed a 98. Scnhauzer was somewhere south of 97. Big Dogs replacement, Cheese Dog, brought back 98. In the caps, only the Prez was respectable carding a 96. The poor Piddler continued to flail away with a 79! The Schnauzer, Almost Hairless and the Cheese Dog were in the 80's. Things were closer in the doubles. All the dogs were in the 90's led by Cheese Dog and The Prez with 95's. The Schnauzer carried the last dummy with a 91.

    The Prez looked lost in the handicap shootoffs though, he could have used some good handling maybe. He missed early and was soon out, dropping three to the others one! Those dusk retrieves are hard on the old guys eyesight. The Prez will just have to break them on his last post next time in the event and the shootoffs could have been avoided.

    I see by an earlier post, the Big Dog took a break from his spring breeding activities to write a few words. Nice of the Big Dog to take the the time to see how the Pack is doing. It's too bad though he couldn't be here to help his close littermate, the Piddler. I think, after seeing the Piddlers performance this past day, the poor Pup must think he has a thirty-five inch barrel like his buddy The Big Dog. Unfortunately, the Piddlers five inch tube has fallen short again. Maybe we now know why only the Big Dog handles the teams breeding chores!

    Well, tomorrow is another day. Will todays runt of the litter (The Piddler), recover in time to gain some respectability? It was just a few days ago he was riding the crest of his perfect 100 doubles retrieves. Will the Schnauzer again surprise the squad with his bloodhound type nose? Will the Prez dominate again like only the groups fearless leader, The Big Dog has in the past? Will the Cheese Dog continue his stunning performance? Look for the next Dog Squad update, here on Trapshooters.com.

    Reporting live from sunny Florida, Mark Zauhar, your nose in the air, tracking and covering the Minnesota Dogs.
     
  13. dward

    dward Member

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    It's good to see the Dogs are howling again........and I'm hoping the Prez can represent his home kennel well. But to be honest, I'm really not that impressed with a bunch of over the hill mutts that can't pee as high up on a tree as they used to!!!!

    What I AM really impressed with is how well the Prez's daughter Kelsey is doing at the Olympic Trials. That gal can flat out shoot....and as competitive and driven as she is, I wouldn't want to stand between her and the trophy. There's a thread on the Olympic Results that shows the results from the event.

    Go Kelsey............Big Dan
     
  14. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Day three is now is the books here at the very sunny Silver Dollar. Once again only one Dog had a good run of retrieves. The Piddler, after stinking up his singles and handicaps, (a 95 and an 84) came back in the double retrieves with a 99. The Dog pack though, thinks foul play was underfoot, as after the first four had successfully retrieved their first pair, The Piddler claimed he couldn't see!!! The rest of the pack had to stand and wait while the Piddler worked on his glasses, his eyes, his contacts, and some parts we can't mention on this family network. I can add though, that dogs can lick almost all of their parts. We think it was all a clever plan hatched by The Piddler to throw us off our game. Here we were, all standing, waiting and we were all straight at the time. Well, I can only assume when you have been the low pup in virtually every trial thus far, anything is fair game.

    The singles scores were not good considering the weather once again cooperated to give us near perfect targets. The Schnauzer returned 96, Cheese Dog 97, The Prez another 99, Almost hairless 96 and of course, Mr Eyeglass, The Piddler, with a 95. The caps, in the same order, were 90, 90, 94, 90 and the The Piddlers 84. Doubles were, again in the same order, 95, 90, 95, 90, and The Piddlers 99. With his unethical 99, The Piddler ruined a thus far near perfect run of retrieves by The Prez. This Dog had either tied for or been the high Dog in every preceding event thus far on this select group of fine dogs.

    After reporting the days tallys, I must also report that for the first time ever, there is a hint of dissension on the Dog Squad. This morning the Cheese Dog barked his disatisfaction about the score reported here for his handicap effort yesterday. This is the first and probably only time anyone has questioned the accuracy of this report. When we released the sordid history of the Big Dog's past (Green Bay Packer star, WWF Champion, and a Big Johnson winner as a porn star), no one complained. When we uncovered the Big Dogs passion for large breasted (150 pounder) bitches, no one complained. When we reported the antics of the Big Dog marking his scent on the scorers table, the trap house, and some unsuspecting shooters shell bag, no one complained. But report one score wrong and The Cheese Dog takes issue. We can only assume he has not yet recovered from his hometown team, The Green Bay Packers losing to the Giants. But to just set the record straight, the poor Cheese Dog did, apparently, retrieve in the 90's in Mondays handicap, (likely a personal best), and not in the 80's as previously reported here.

    The field trial continues tomorrow with another 300 retrieves available for the dogs. Will the Piddlers strange eye "problems" pop up again? Will the Cheese Dog recover from a very minor reporting error and shoot better scores? Will Almost Hairless retrieve a score more up to his past? Will the Schnauzer continue his improved pace? Check in tomorrow for the days high and low lights.

    Reporting the furry details from the Silver Dollar, Mark Zauhar, your late night news anchor.
     
  15. ric3677

    ric3677 Well-Known Member

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    consistant........just about 90 for an average in Handi....I am surprised they don't kick you off the team Mark. LOL

    shoot better........Rickyd
     
  16. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Wednesdays field trial results are in and it seems The Cheese Dog must have took yesterdays report as a much needed wake up call. The old boy missed his seventh handicap target and then proceeded to run the rest for a 99. He ended up tied with four others for the days top spot and finished third in the shootoffs. We were certainly proud of our Cheesy shooter, at least until we saw the results. When we found him at his motor home, his wife was plugging both of his ears with her fingers in a valiant effort to control the swelling of his head. We were glad he had just purchased a quadslide motor home as it would have been difficult for the poor man to watch TV without the extra clearance the new coach has. After the shootoffs were over, we tried in vain to get him to buy us dinner and help him celebrate his good day, he refused as he claimed to be set on ordering in a pizza. We all of course knew right away what The Cheese Dog had in mind. He had taken a look at the Mrs and was figuring a good day on the trap field just might earn him a good night between the sheets, if you know what I mean. I think the old boy was soon to be dissappointed, with the amount of blood that swelled head was holding, there was no way there would be enough left for any kind of breeding activity.

    The Cheese Dog was not the only animal with something to growl about. The Piddler kept up his torrid pace from yesterdays doubles with the only squad 100 in the singles. He even did it fair this time, he didn't pretend to be blind like he tried in yesterdays doubles. These dogs are beginning to surprise even me with their ability to learn from their mistakes. Just a little word of reprimand from me and all is well. Of course, they sometimes need more then one dose. The poor Piddler continued his streak of forgetable handicaps with an 80 today. Considering the other canines scores in this event, he was so far from the rest, it would not have been surprising to see each of the other dogs take their turn wetting on the Piddlers shell bag! The Cheesey one led the way in the caps with the 99, next was The Schnauzer and The Prez with 94's, Almost Hairless returned 93 and of course, the lost dog Piddler struggled to find 80. We all had to feel sorry for the poor Schnauzer though. He kept pace with The Cheese dog target for target until the second to the last post where he dropped one. Going to his last station, he was ten away from a 98 and a punch to the 27 yard line, which would have been his first time to this spot. It was not to be. Once again we saw the effects of a tight choke collar as the poor Schnauzer dropped four of the ten little buggers to finish with his 94.

    The singles were led by the The Piddlers before mentioned 100, followed by Almost Hairless with his 99. The Prez fetched 98 and The Cheese Dog and the Schnauzer carded 97's. In the doubles, The Prez and Almost Hairless returned 97's, Old Cheesy found 94, and The Piddler and The Schnauzer brought back 93.

    Despite his poor handicap score, The Piddler did pick up a trophy in Tuesdays doubles and of course The Cheese Dog collected third place in todays caps. Almost Hairless looks to be in position for a trophy in todays doubles as well. This leaves the poor Prez and The Schnauzer still hunting for hardware.

    All in all, the Dog Squad had a good day with all but one score in the 90's! Will they be able to repeat and maybe even improve on todays scores? Tune in tomorrow evening for what is sure to be an interesting report.

    Reporting from sunny Florida, Mark Zauhar, your roving dog watcher.
     
  17. hounddog41@charter.net

    hounddog41@charter.net Member

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    You lucky DOGS!!! about 4" of snow in superior. alex
     
  18. Phil Kiner

    Phil Kiner Well-Known Member

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    Not trying hi-jack your thread but go to my blog--


    http://www.trapandfield.com/philkinerblog.htmo

    Phil KIner
     
  19. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Well, I keep saying I will make these Dogs famous, ala Ned Buntline and Wyatt Earp, and now it has happened. We have now made the Blog of none other then Mr. Phil Kiner. Heck, the next stop will likely be People magazine. I do hope though, that People will do a better job of gathering their facts. I must say, we have been very careful to give credit when credit is due. The fact is, The Prez has either been the dog who pisses highest on the tree, or tied for the highest, in eight out of eleven events this week. It appears the poor Piddler has stooped to a new low with a bit of "creative" story telling when he fed poor Phil a few spoiled bones. Everyone knows that I have never created a story. Even the porn star revelations about our hero the Big Dog, or the origin of his moniker itself, of course are all completely accurate, or at least close.

    Well, now that the record is straight, it's time for some honest accounting of the days happenings. Yes, once again The Prez, what a guy he is, led the way in both events, fetching respectable scores of 94 in the caps and 97 in the doubles. Next was The Piddler, who finally reached 90 in the caps and a 95 in the doubles. Almost Hairless was next with 89 in the caps and 95 in the doubles. Bringing up the rear was yesterdays hero, Cheese Dog. Opps, I have to be careful about using terms like "bringing up the rear", it tends to give The Piddler food for some impure thoughts. Anyway, Cheesy returned 87 in the caps and 89 in the doubles. Poor Cheesy almost fell apart in the caps. He was unable to find three out of the first ten and only a late inning surge saved him from a real "stinker." It seems yesterdays good score didn't guarantee a second today. Was it fate, was it luck, or was it the result of the strange noises emanating from a certain quad slide Newell motor home last night? We may never know for sure, but the Cheese Dog is too tough to not come back strong tomorrow.

    You might be wondering what happened to the other dog of the pack, The Schnauzer. Well, I'm sure all true blue shooters will be disappointed to hear the Schnauzer was absent without leave today. Rumor has it he may have shot on an earlier squad and then skipped out to GOLF, of all things. Others say he may have actually used golf as cover for what he really did. Those who say this believe he may have been ordered by none other then Penny the Poodle, his mate of month, to go shopping or else. It seems last years pink panties, the favorite garb of the Schnauzer, may be getting a bit rank and Penny the Poodle may have ordered a change of underwear for the Schnauzer. Will The Schnauzer be back tomorrow? Will Penny allow it? Will he be wearing new pink panties? We aren't sure but look for further coverage of this breaking news story.

    Tomorrow is another hundred handicap and a hundred doubles. Who will piss highest on the tree tomorrow? The Piddler has been tough thus far in the double retrieves. The Prez, with the exception of the Cheese Dogs impressive 99, has dominated the caps. The Dog "in the woods" this week has been Almost Hairless. He's shared the lead but hasn't yet had a big win of his own. He should have about shaken all the fleas out of his winter coat and be ready for an impressive performance. Maybe even The Schnauzer, with a fresh pair of pink panties might be ready, for a shocker. And of course we know what The Cheese Dog is capable of. Tune in tomorrow for all of the truthful facts.

    Your eye in the sky, your honest reporter, your "I did not have sex with that puppy" guy, Mark Zauhar, The Dog Squads official scribe.
     
  20. Pride Engineer

    Pride Engineer Member

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    Fridays events are now in the books. It was the first day of the tournament that wasn't a perfect day. There was very little wind but it was dark and wet! Naturally the Dogs braved the elements as they have been bred to do. All but the Prez were ready to go at the starting bell. He was hoping a gin game in the warm club house would be more in order. The other dogs wouldn't hear of it though and the retrieves began with the days handicap event. The Prez shook off the rain drops to card the squads high score, a 91. All the other dogs were in the high 80's. The Schnauzer returned 89, The Cheese Dog found 88, and The Piddler and Almost Hairless fetched 87's. Scores were down a bit due to the weather, but some grizzled old dog from Wyoming managed to find them all. I think he may have had some inside information or something because not only did he run the 100 on a dark rainy day, he did it from the darkest bank on the club, bank six. Yes, if you haven't guessed it, this old dog is of the Kiner type breed.

    The doubles were interesting as after some trap problems, the dogs shot their second trap first and their first trap second. Don't ask me to explain other then to say this is what happens when the clubs only trap mechanic is shooting first squad out too. In this event the Dogs seemed to want to make sure no one felt left out. The Prez, The Piddler, The Schnauzer, and Almost Hairless all retrieved 96. The poor Cheese Dog could muster only a 90 though. Cheesy has been struggling after catching the squads most impressive score of the tournament, the 99 in Wednesdays caps. We are all wondering what the problem could be. We've had the vet check his nose and his feet, all seems in order. We suspect he might be still recovering from a hard night on the doggy mattress celebrating Wednesdays 99!

    Most impressive today had to be The Schnauzers 96 in doubles, his personal best. In years past, the poor Schnauzer was lucky to find 80. Now he seems to be passing through class A on his way to AA. We aren't sure what has brought on this change. We do suspect however that the pink womens panties his wife makes him wear may have been the problem. You see, in the past it was a pair of thong panties. What was likely happening was the thong was getting wrapped around a certain part of his male anatomy and cutting short the supply of blood to his brain! Naturally the Schnauzer was unable to concentrate on two at a time targets. Feeling sorry for the poor Schnauzer, some close friend, identity unknown of course, got The Schnauzer a larger pair of pink panties, freeing up his circulation problem. Just to clear up any possibility of misrepresentation though, the panties were large because of the size of the Schnauzers butt!

    The Poor Piddler has been having a bad case of the ups and downs. One good score and two or three bad. Unfortunately, the ups and downs will likely continue and may even get worse. You see, the piddler is expecting a visitor tonight. This guest is of the female variety and we expect the Piddler may have a case of the jitters like our friend The Cheese Dog has been suffering from. Great, two dogs retrieving with their tongues dragging, I can't wait.

    Almost Hairless continues to be the lost dog on the squad. He retrieves enough to stay in the middle of the pack and sometimes tie for the lead. Seems like this dog is just waiting for this weekends big events. We are all wondering when he is going to bust out and fetch the high score. Speculation says Almost Hairless forgot to pack enough Micky Mouse underwear for the whole week. You see, we have learned he only brought two pair instead of the usual three. And worse, only one has the Micky and Minny Mouse logo. We've heard he plans to don this pair for the weekend. All I can say is thank god! We need to clear the air.

    The poor Prez has been taking some heat from the other Dogs lately. It probably has something to do with the fact he has been finding the most birds most of the time. It also may have something to do with his wit and charming personality, or as The Litterist has said, his fine male masculinity. Of course, coming from The Litterist, one has to question the source. What would he know about masculinity?

    Well, it would seem there may have been enough good natured ribbing for one night. Of course, all that has been reported here is likely true, almost, maybe, partly. The stories, or reporting will continue tomorrow. Maybe we will have a few tidbits about our hero, The Big Dog, who has been sitting this competition out in his kennel in the north country.

    Reporting live via satellite, from rainy Florida, Mark Zauhar, your Dog Squad Tails author and his trusty side pup, Lindsay Zauhar.
     
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