1. Attention: We have put together a thread with tips and a tutorial video to help with using the new software. Please take a moment to check out the thread here: Trapshooters.com Tutorial & Help Video.
    Dismiss Notice

Minnesota Dog Squad Shoots The Southern Grand

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Sixshooter, Mar 12, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Yes, the first day of the Southern Grand is over and the Dog Squad was there to complete their retrieves. The Prez has been at the Silver Dollar since January 11th. The Piddler arrived next on March 9th along with Almost Hairless. The Schnauzer was next followed by your hero, the Big Dog. The Big Dog didn't want to miss any of the fine Minnesota weather so he took the late Sunday plane out of sunny and warm Minnesota arriving just in time to catch a little cat nap before taking the line today.

    The Dog may have paid the price for this decision as he was low man for the first event, letting even the Schnauzer retrieve a few more birds in the singles. Almost Hairless seemed to shake off the Tucson fleas with a perfect 100. The Prez once again fell prey to "the forget to watch the target" syndrome and let one bird slip away. The Piddler apparently was still trying to remember the finer points from the Kiner Clinic he attended last weekend and let a few to many get away.

    It was in the handicap where the Dog said "I will show these pooches how to master these long yardage birds." He promptly recorded the top score for the squad with a 91. Yes, that's right, a 91. Remember, this is the Dog Squad, not Kiner, Marshall, Harrison, Campbell and Stafford. The rest of us could only manage scores in the mid to high 80's. Of course, the Dogs recent demotion to 26 yards may have helped him a bit as his retrieves were shorter then ours!

    The doubles was the event where the cream came to the top. The Prez retrieved 95, the piddler 94, and Almost Hairless followed with a lower 90's score. The Big Dog slipped a bit to the high 80's and the Schnauzer couldn't even manage to stay in the 80's.

    The highlight of our day however was at lunch where we learned from an old friend of the Dog a little more about the Dogs earlier life history. I must say, even this reporter was shocked to learn the trials and tribulations the Dog experienced as he sniffed his way through puppyhood. So shocked was I, I feel the need to take a couple days to fully formulate my thoughts and how I would best be able to reveal the facts to you, the many fans of the Big Dog. Look for the shocking truth later in the week as I must check and recheck my sources on this breaking story.

    Reporting from the Silver Dollar in sunny Odessa, Mark Zauhar, formally with Sixty Minutes, and my Junior reporter, Lindsay Zauhar
     
  2. Jim Pollock

    Jim Pollock TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    38
    And I suppose Kelsey is stuck back in the snow studying her little heart out?!?!?
     
  3. Hitapair

    Hitapair Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,344
    Look for the $3 million Provost w/ the Purina Hi Pro stickers all over it!
     
  4. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Yes fans, make no mistake about it, we are here! Just check the leader board for the mornings singles, the Prez recorded one of the dozen or so 100's in triple A. Unfortunately, it was the highlight of his day as his caps and doubles were lacking. In the caps, once again the squads retrieves fell short, with Almost Hairless Lonneman scoring the best, retrieving a 91. In the doubles, Almost Hairless looked to be ready to grab his first 100, but fell short after the first 79 retrieves. The lost dog award goes to The Piddler as he failed to reach the 70's in the caps. In fact, the Piddler narrowly avoided being last dog in all three events when he edged out the Big Dog in doubles by a single retrieve.

    But enough of these scores, the readers want to hear the stories behind todays adventures. We won't dissappoint them. I'm sure they'll all be interested to know the Big Dog was caught cheating at the line! Yes, the Dog was found to be over the line while making the singles retrieves. Fortunately, the scorer caught the Big Dog in the act and quickly corrected him before a suspension was necessary. Although he was caught this time with his toe past the line, most scorers fail to catch the Dog at his more routine over the line infraction. In an attempt to keep this report safe for all ages, I will just say that the Dog has been known to frequently have certain body parts extending well past the line. You see, they don't call him the Big Dog because he's tall!

    But enough of the Dog for now, we'll hear more about him later in the week when the final report regarding his earlier life history, that was promised last night, becomes available. Instead, lets turn the talk to the reason the Schnauzer had such an off first day. It was revealed over dinner that the Schnauzers hunting companion was kept awake all night. Yes, the Schnauzer may have kept poor Penny the Poodle a little too busy in the kennel. The Schnauzer will have to learn, burying to many bones can be too tiring for a retriever of his age.

    The real question of the day though is what has happened to the Piddler? Last year he made the Minnesota State team for the first time, earned his AA27AA pin, and seemed poised to make another big jump forward. Instead he is mired in a fight with the Schnauzer to stay off the bottom of the dog pack. Maybe he needs to find a hot female and settle down in a warm kennel somewhere. We'll scan the AKC lists for a suitable bitch for him.

    Enough for now, we'll be back tomorrow to again report the retrieves of the famous Dog Squad.

    Mark Zauhar, mentor to Katie Kouric, reporting live from the Siver Dollar in sunny Tampa, Florida.
     
  5. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Well the last bone has been chewed today at the Southern Grand. It's Wednesday, the first day of high over all and of course the Dog's are looking forward to Friday and the first day of high all around. There were a few good moments, Almost Hairless retrieved another 100 in the singles today. Our leader, The Big Dog, recorded a 93 in the caps, and the Prez's caps continued what he hopes to be a rapid ascent to Sundays finale as he retreived a higher score then the day before for the third day in a row. On the low side, the Prez also squandered another opportunity when he retrieved a 98 in the singles, once again exiting a carry over from the day before a bit early. The Schnauzer could muster only a 72 in doubles leading his fans to wonder if maybe he would be better off sticking to singles. It appears he has trouble doing two of anything at once. The Prez and Almost hairless led the way in the doubles with 95. The Piddler finally had something to brag about when he retreived 99 in the singles. He even improved in the caps. Despite this good news, he does not appear ready to record a score good enough to warrent a shave by either the Dog or the Prez.

    But enough of the scores. When nobody comes close to a trophy, what is there to talk about? Glad you asked. It is funny how many things one can learn about someone when you catch them off guard. While the Dogs were wolfing down the evening meal, the Big Dog once again revealed a bit more insite into his obviously unique history. It seems the Dog was once required, due to some medical treatment, to wear a full cast from his ankle to his groin. Now picture this, we are all sitting around the dinner table trying to visulize the Big Dog in such a cast. Was it one legged, or three? Considering the Big Dog's reputation, it would seem to be a fair question. I think the ladies at the neighboring table would have liked to know the answer as well. Especially the one with the 150 pounders. She appeared to have alot in common with our leader, she growled as she ate her steak and she belched loudly when she was finished. Yep, she's the Big Dogs type for sure.

    Well it's getting late, the Dogs need their rest for the days activities tomorrow.

    Reporting live from the Silver Dollar in sunny Florida, Mark Zauhar, retired reporter from Hustler magazine
     
  6. slick50

    slick50 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    147
    I thought you were formerly with "60 Minutes" ??? I think I shot with you guys last year down there... Don't let the Big Dog and that one next door with the 150's near each other when they are eating...potential for BIG trouble... Grind them up.. I am enjoying the up-dates
     
  7. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Lit, you know I promised you I would release your secret if you didn't stop that Pink Prez stuff. So now the chips will fall where they may.

    You see the Lit's family history was revealed sometime ago. It seems one of Minnesota's best shooters was sitting behind the shootoffs at the Grand about 40 years ago. Seated next him on the right was a sailor who had obviously been around awhile. Seated to the right of the sailor was a young man whose hair was spiked and multicolored. This young lad was apparently at the grand as a junior shooter. The sailor was studying the young man quite profusely. So much so, the young man was a bit taken back and finally asked the sailor what his problem was. The sailor replied that about 15 years before, he was in port in South America and had gotten quite drunk one night while on shore leave. During his trip ashore, he had f,,,,d a parrot and was looking to see if the boy was his son.

    Lit, how much longer did you wear your hair spiked after that day?
     
  8. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Short report tonight from sunny Florida. (It's pooring rain as I write this). The squad did nothing of significance today. Almost Hairless was the only dog with a wagging tail in that he shot well enough in the doubles to win a carry over battle for the AA Runnerup hardware. The Prez, The Big Dog, The Schnauzer, and The Piddler all looked a bit dog tired in the face of a 25 mph tailwind. The best way to describe the results of our days collective efforts was we won't be worrying about carry overs tomorrow and we were able to leave the grounds early for dinner. (NO shootoffs either)

    One item of note that this reporter must share with the fans. It now appears we have discovered the reason the Schnauzer has been mostly limp tailed as of late. It seems his spouse, Penny the Poodle, had peanuts in her pants today. Now, we are at a loss why the Schnauzer would be into peanuts but clearly this type of evening doggy activity would have an impact on ones shooting performance. Of course, for those of you that know the Schnauzer well, he is the luckyest dog around. It seems like once they heard about the peanut caper, the pornofilm industry has made several lucrative offers for the film rights.

    Reporting live from rainy Florida, Mark Zauhar, the guy the Lit really admires
     
  9. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Well folks, today I can report the stuff of which legends are made. Stars are born. Heros are found. Idols are christened. Studs are studded. (Maybe that's enough, you think?) The Big Dog lifted his massive left leg and pissed on the Dog Squad today walking away with highs in both events. He was high in doubles with a 91 and high in the caps with a 94. Only the Prezs 94 in the caps and a tie with the Big Dog kept the Big Guy from raising both legs on his fellow pooches with total domination. The wind was bad for the doubles and it rained for the caps so the scores were really quite good. The Big Dog seemed almost serene as the day ended. He calmly shattered the last doubles target, belched loudly as if in defiance of the tough targets and sulked back to the car. The Big Dog was obviosly pleased with his dominance today and wanted all to know it had happened. Such is the actions of a trap super star.

    With the passing of todays events, it now seems like the time to reveal once and for all the sordid past of our hero, the Big Dog. It seems the stories of the Big Dog being a former pro wrestler, are true. He wrestled successfully for several years facing such opponents as Vern Gagne, Mad Dog Vachon (no relation), and Hulk Hogan. This career came about only after he phased out of his earlier occupations.

    It seems the Big Dog was once an outstanding athlete. I know that seems far fetched, but bear with me on this one. He was actually a star guard for Vince Lombardi's Packers. After a few successful years clearing the way for Jim Taylor, he blew out his knee on the last play of the season and was forced into early retirement. Unfortunately the Big Dogs passion at the table and at the strip clubs left him pennyless. Seems hard to beleive one could blow that much money, but remember, he is the Big Dog. It was at this time the poor pooch was forced into a career he has kept quiet until this reporter learned of it just recently. It now appears our hero made his fortune as the lead actor in 759 porno films, playing of course, the star with the "equipment" role. At last, the final piece of the puzzle is in place. We now know for sure the origin of his moniker, The Big Dog.

    The Dog Squad as observed for years the strange attraction women with the 150 pounders seem to have for the Big Dog. We now know they must recognize his face as they are probably seeing it for the first time.

    Reporting from rainy Florida, Mark Zauhar, author of the book, The Big Dog Does Dallas, New Orleans, Kansa City, and Proctor, MN.
     
  10. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    It was a tough day today for our hero the Big Dog. The singles were flying high and fast. The scores were low for everyone as only two two hundreds were recorded out of 150 squads. Some guys named Leo and Ricki just couldn't leave well enough alone. But the Big Dog went from the top dog yesterday to the last puppy in the litter today. The poor guy struggled to a 191. The Prez finally came through with a squad leading score, retreiving 197 of the little disks. The piddler was next at 196. Almost Hairless and the Schnauzer finished ahead of the Big Dog.

    What caused the Dogs demise is anyones guess. Did he get a poor nights sleep on his doggy mat in the corner of the motel room? Did he suffer from a bout with the Top Dog jitters? Or was it the coming out process that he experienced yesterday, when we all learned of his silver screen past, behind his collapse?

    It's hard to say for sure what may have contributed to the big boys demise. But one thing about the Dog, he's resiliant. He seems to have adjusted to his new openess. In fact, talk between the 100's drifted to the potential rewards that may result from the sudden surge in popularity the Big Dog has experienced. It seems the Dog has offers on the table from certain clothing company's for his own line of jeans. Apparently there is a market for pants with a bit more room in the crotch for guys with Big Dog like dimensions. He's also deciding between two offers from recording company's who want to produce and release his first single. Apparently the Country Music market values singers with limited talent that look good in a pair of Wranglers. The best opportunity may rest on his biography. It seems the author of Wilt Chamberlains life history wants to do the Dogs history as well. Apparently the guy was impressed with the Dogs extensive experience in the porno industry. You may remember Wilt claimed over 20,000 conquests during his life time and the Dogs film credit list would alone make Wilts record Toy Poodleish in comparison.

    One thing we know for sure, the Dog will be on the line tomorrow, gun in hand (his Perazzi for those of you whose minds may have waundered), and ready to reclaim the leadership of his pack.

    Reporting from sunny, windy Florida, Mark Zauhar, the Big Dogs Ned Buntline.
     
  11. Sixshooter

    Sixshooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    141
    Well it's time to close the books on the Dog Squads visit to the Southern Grand. Today was the get out of town handicap and the pooches responded as if they couldn't leave fast enough. Believe it or not, the scores ranged from 73 to 82. All I will tell you is the Prez had the 82! Overall, all the scores today were very low. High after the first 100 squads was 94. Leo and Ricki, who else, each had one. The rest of the top shooters were all struggling. I guess the incoming winds had their impact.

    No real Dog type stuff to report. Our hero, The Big Dog, did comment on yesterdays report though. It seems the women readers have started to respond now that the word is out concerning the Dogs dimensions and past experience. It seems his cell phone was packed with 139 messages from women wanting to introduce themselves. Of course, The Big Dog takes this all in stride. A simple shrug, then a belch, then he goes back to his favorite pastime, he eats something.

    The Big Dogs side kick and shooting partner, the Piddler, seems to be enjoying the sudden pupularity of his buddy. I think he's hopeful for some left overs, if you get the drift! Apparently there is more than one shooter from Duluth that relishes the 150 pounders.

    Well, this will be the last report until the Southwestern Grand where another reunion of the Dogs will take place. I ask that all you pretty Texas Belles get out your best dresses. The Big Dog is partial to pink I hear. Apparently it reminds him of the pink thong he wore during his wrestling days. Some say he might have even substituted the pink thong for the jock strap when he played for the Packers. It seems hard to believe the great Vince Lombardi would have condoned such behavior though.

    Reporting live from the Silver Dollar in windy but sunny Florida, Mark Zauhar, noted author, publicist, and business agent for the Big Dog himself.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.