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Men are strange......according to women

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Rick Barker, Feb 3, 2013.

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  1. Rick Barker

    Rick Barker Well-Known Member

    May 25, 2009
    Men Are Just Happier People --

    What do you expect from such simple creatures?

    Your last name stays put.

    The garage is all yours.

    Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    Chocolate is just another snack.

    You can be President.

    You can never be pregnant.

    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

    Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    The world is your urinal.

    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

    Same work, more pay.

    Wrinkles add character.

    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

    One mood all the time.

    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

    You know stuff about tanks.

    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

    You can open all your own jars.

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend.

    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

    You almost never have strap problems in public.

    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

    Everything on your face stays its original color.

    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    You only have to shave your face and neck.

    You can play with toys all your life.

    One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.

    No wonder men are happier.


    NICKNAMESĀ· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


    EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


    MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


    BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


    ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument.

    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


    FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


    MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


    DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    ------------------------ --------------------------------

    NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


    OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
  2. rpeerless

    rpeerless Well-Known Member

    Dec 4, 2009
  3. CharlieAMA

    CharlieAMA TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Jan 29, 1998
    God's Country
    Good one Rick. LOL.
  4. crusha

    crusha TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Love it.

    (...we also know how to work a toilet seat)
  5. aabradley82

    aabradley82 TS Member

    Nov 28, 2008
    I know how to work a toilet seat. Always check to make sure it's up before aiming to best of my ability. Always check b/f sitting. Not that hard.
  6. RWT

    RWT Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    If we sat down we wouldn't miss very often either.

    We have to shoot from handicap distance.
  7. GR Eubanks

    GR Eubanks Active Member

    Jul 30, 2008
    Homedale, ID
    bb63 Have you ever shot a buddy shoot?
  8. RWT

    RWT Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    You trying to set her up with the DR???
  9. halfmile

    halfmile Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Green Bay Wisconsin
    Toilet seats need not be an issue.

    If it's down and you need it up, put it there.

    If it's up and you need it down, put it down.

    If you have stress about it, save it for something worth while.

  10. likemybrownings

    likemybrownings Active Member

    Nov 9, 2010
  11. Bob Hawkes

    Bob Hawkes Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    bb63 sounds like a gal with a great sense of humor. I assume there must have been more than a toilet seat involved. You sound too bright for the good Dr. anyway;)
  12. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Sep 30, 2007
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    Want to talk about toilet seats, I'll tell you about toilet seats. One evening my wife purchased liquid Drano for a slow drain in the bathroom. She had some left over and decided to pour it into the toilet, with the seat down, as I was unaware of this.

    All my married life I have heard how I can't aim and my wife said if she had one of those things she would aim a lot better than myself.

    Well, when pouring the Drano into the toilet her aim was off and she poured the Drano on to the toilet seat. Around 3am I went to the bathroom and I was looking through a Trap and Field magazine and I suddenly felt a real burning sensation on my rear end and other places.

    I get up and look into the mirror and I am beat red. I wake up my wife yelling to help me out as I am throwing water on myself. My wife than said, "I threw some liquid Drano down the toilet before I went to bed and I must have gotten some on the toilet seat". I said you think???

    Steve Balistreri
  13. JT 27

    JT 27 Member

    Dec 13, 2012
    You must know my husband well. Jack Thompson, Illinois.

    JT 27's wife. The 27 stands for how many words he uses per day.
  14. 1oldtimer

    1oldtimer TS Member

    May 16, 2010
    They who have that center piece will always be in control :)
  15. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

    Nov 4, 2007
    Got a toliet seat story that will make all of you cringe for sure!!! Fellow I used to work with years ago is taking his morning constitutional if you know what I mean. Well 5:30 AM and he doses off sitting on the throne. Falls forward with a crash into the wall. There was a small parting flash of plastic on the inside edge of the toilet seat and it sliced his talleywacker!!! His wife hears the crash and yelling and comes on the run! Blood spurting everywhere!! The two of them piled into the car headed to the hospital, she is stopping at every red light on the way, he has his junk wrapped in a bloody towel yelling run those sum bitches!!! Course he has to call the boss to tell him why he is not coming to work that day, boss promises not to say anything to anyone!! Yeah right!!I told him no I do not want to see your stiches or scars when I heard the story!!!I went right home and checked all the toilet seats in the house for burrs etc you can bet your life on that.6 or 7 stiches if I remember right. True story, Scouts honor!!I can give you his phone number if you want to confirm. Bill
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