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Marital Problems

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jun 20, 2011.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    11,666
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


    Keep reading-they get better!!!

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    WOMEN'S REVENGE

    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

    As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

    And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

    I know I'm not going to understand women..

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

    Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

    And still be afraid of a spider.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    MARRIAGE SEMINAR

    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

    'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

    He addressed the man,

    'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife...

    She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

    He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

    To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

    And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.

    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    WIFE VS. HUSBAND

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word..

    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

    Neither of them wanted to concede their position.

    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

    The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    WORDS

    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day....

    30,000 to a man's 15,000.

    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    CREATION

    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

    So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    WHO DOES WHAT

    A man and his wife were having an argument about who

    Should brew the coffee each morning..

    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

    And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

    You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

    Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home

    and were giving each other the silent treatment.

    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


    SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

    I put it on here because I think the majority of us can handle this. Not sure about Gene.
     
  2. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,155
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    Some of these hit home. :D
     
  3. Catpower

    Catpower Molon Labe TS Supporters

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    10,228
    Location:
    In the Cabana
    I just don't understand some men, around our house I have the say so, when ever my wife let's me
     
  4. huntinandhotrods

    huntinandhotrods Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2010
    Messages:
    403
    Around my house, I get to wear the pants in my family, but my wife tells me which pair to put on! LOL Huntinandhotrods
     
  5. 320090T

    320090T Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,348
    Location:
    Indiana
    I get tired of all the whining, moaning, and crying around my house so I just shut up.
     
  6. doggai

    doggai Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    93
    Never argue with a female or your favorite dog. They are going to do whatever they want anyway. If not today, then tomorrow, or the next day etc.

    Reasoning with a female is like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but doesn't get you (or her) anywhere. JF
     
  7. slayer

    slayer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2006
    Messages:
    2,928
    Location:
    beautiful northern michigan
    I thought my days of education were over. I retired two weeks ago. Boy was I wrong.
     
  8. Release Trigger

    Release Trigger Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    400
    Location:
    Sydney Australia
    I always make sure I get the last words in an argument with the wife, it usually goes like this, "Yes dear".

    Release...........
     
  9. huntinandhotrods

    huntinandhotrods Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2010
    Messages:
    403
    My wife is the most even tempered person I have ever met --- She is pissed off all the time!! LOL Huntinandhotrods
     
  10. SilverShooter

    SilverShooter TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2009
    Messages:
    275
    My wife bought me a Unsingle Combo two years ago for my birthday...and another last week for my recent birthday. She knows it's better that I'm at the trap range than anywhere else!

    ...and thanks for the humor....it made my day...going to take a nap now...
     
  11. Shooting Sailor

    Shooting Sailor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,080
    A friend told me that after a recent night out with the boys, he woke up feeling a little the worse for wear. He got up, showered, dressed, and went downstairs to face the music. When he entered the kitchen, his wife was at the stove frying something up. He went over, put his arms around her, kissed her on the neck and wished her a good morning. When he looked down at the frying pan, he was amazed to see that she was frying one of his heavy wool work socks! He figured that she must be losing her mind, but he had to ask "Darling, why is my sock in the frying pan?" She replied "I'm just doing exactly what you asked last night, when you came home to bed so incredibly drunk!" He thanked her, and wandered off to think about things. When telling me the story, he said "For the life of me, I can't remember asking her to cook my sock!"
     
  12. b12

    b12 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,045
    Once heard an old saying and it hold true.

    A WOMAN MARRIES A MAN EXPECTING TO CANGE HIM.
    A MAN MARRIES A WOMAN HOPING SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
     
  13. jbbor

    jbbor Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,036
    My wife was in a romantic mood when I left for the club this morning. She said something about kissing her ass! Jimmy Borum
     
  14. Ross

    Ross Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,634
    Guess I must be the LUCKIEST guy in the world, almost lost my wife to cancer last year we're repeating our vows July 1st for our 50th. Don't know how she puts up with me?????? Also thought she was smarter than to gamble on me again but I'm glad she's willing to take that gamble. Ross Puls
     
  15. tarhawk

    tarhawk TS Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Messages:
    125
    The story goes that King Solomon was asked why he needed 1,000 wives. He replied,"That way when I get home from work one, maybe even two, will be in a good mood."
     
  16. The Stive

    The Stive Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    635
    It is so good to laugh. Thanks John
     
  17. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,155
    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    "It is so good to laugh"

    Who is laughing? Well besides my wife.
     
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