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Looking foward to getting older?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by likes-to-shoot, Dec 3, 2011.

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  1. likes-to-shoot

    likes-to-shoot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2006
    Messages:
    6,089
    Location:
    Iowa
    Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

    However, while working as a student nurse,

    I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a

    suitcase at his feet,

    who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

    After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
    elevator.


    On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.


    'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

    .





    A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:


    'So I hear you're getting married?'


    'Yep!'


    'Do I know her?'


    'Nope!'


    'This woman, is she good looking?'


    'Not really.'


    'Is she a good cook?'


    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'


    'Does she have lots of money?'

    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'


    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'


    'I don't know.'


    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'


    'Because she can still drive!'

    .



    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,


    but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'


    'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'


    'Twelve thirty..'

    .



    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.


    A few days! later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.


    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'


    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'


    The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

    .



    One more. . .!


    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...


    After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.



    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'


    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

    .
     
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