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Liberal Jokes

Discussion in 'Politics, Elections & Legislation' started by bigdogtx, Oct 7, 2012.

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  1. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2006
    Messages:
    10,650
    You could use a blonde,,,,,,but being as it is the political season......



    A friend told the liberal: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The liberal then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."


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    Two liberals find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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    A woman phoned her liberal neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the liberal replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even home yesterday."
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    A liberal is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."



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    A liberal goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The liberal says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."


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    A liberal spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. (I had to think about this one a minute -- could it be because I'm not a liberal?)


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    A liberal shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"


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    A liberal was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"


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    A liberal's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies.

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    A liberal is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
    "Hanging myself," the liberal replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
     
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