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Letters to Santa

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by shooter99, Dec 20, 2009.

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  1. shooter99

    shooter99 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,408
    Location:
    Blue River, Wisconsin
    If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
    Deer Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Friend, Billy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
    Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
    Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
    Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
    Santa
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    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa
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    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
    Santa

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    Dear Santa,
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    Santa

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    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet dreams,
    Santa
     
  2. crusha

    crusha TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,762
    Merry XMas!
     
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