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Lawyer Jokes

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by aaastalker, Feb 22, 2008.

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  1. aaastalker

    aaastalker TS Member

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    How can you tell a Lawyer from a Catfish ?

    One's a scum sucking bottom dweller , and the other is a Fish..


    AAA
     
  2. CalvinMD

    CalvinMD Well-Known Member

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    Northeastern MD @ the top o the Bay
    Why won't a shark bite a lawyer? professional courtesy
     
  3. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!"

    His father responded: "You idiot, we could live on the funding of that case for another ten years!"
     
  4. nspktr1

    nspktr1 TS Member

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    What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Each has a 1 in a million shot at becoming a human being.
     
  5. pendennis

    pendennis Well-Known Member

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    Are there enough terabytes to contain this thread?

    Best,
    Dennis
     
  6. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    nspktr1, you made my stomache hurt...I laughed so hard!!!!

    Dennis...I thought the same thing.
     
  7. bigbore613

    bigbore613 Active Member

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    Why do Lawyers wear neckties ? Keeps the foreskins from coming up over their heads. Jeff
     
  8. Recoil Sissy

    Recoil Sissy Well-Known Member

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    The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer.

    "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation every year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return are the souls of your wife, children, and their children's children to rot in hell for eternity."

    The lawyer thought for a moment and asked, "What's the catch?"
     
  9. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    This thread is the funniest in a long time!
     
  10. H82MIS

    H82MIS TS Member

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    What do you have if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand????


    Not enough sand!!!
     
  11. Bob Schultz

    Bob Schultz Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

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    Two lawyers walking down the street, one spots a pretty girl walking ahead of them and he says to the other lawyer " Boy, I'd like to screw that!"

    To which the other replies.." Out of what? "
     
  12. Satch

    Satch TS Member

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    What's the difference when a lawyer is hit by a car and a skunk is hit by a car?

    There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
     
  13. Bob_K

    Bob_K Well-Known Member

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    You've heard that the Harvard Medical School is no longer doing medical experiments on rats? They are going to use lawyers. There are more of them and you don't get emotionally attached.
     
  14. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Near but not in chicago
    Now these are good think i'll send them to my attorney
     
  15. Bob Schultz

    Bob Schultz Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

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    Three surgeons are talking about the patients they prefer to work on....

    The first one says, " I like to operate on accountants, all the parts are numbered!"

    The second surgeon says, " I like to operate on engineers, not only are the parts numbered inside, but there is a diagram when you open them up!"

    The third surgeon says " I prefer to operate on lawyers."

    Lawyers? The other two exclaim, " why on earth would you want to operate on them?"

    "Well," the third doctor said, " They only have two parts, mouth and @$$hole and they are interchangeable!"
     
  16. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Early Lawyer Training
     
  17. catfish dave

    catfish dave TS Member

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    A crying shame---A buss full of lawyers going over a cliff with one empty seat
     
  18. nspktr1

    nspktr1 TS Member

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    What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

    A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
     
  19. Recoil Sissy

    Recoil Sissy Well-Known Member

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    Question: What do you do if you run over a lawyer?

    Answer: Back over him just to be sure.
     
  20. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
     
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