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Laugh of the day.

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Jerbear, May 23, 2007.

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  1. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    This week we celebrate a special Birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31 this
    week. Can you believe it?

    It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her
    hands and knees.

    They grow up so fast....
  2. foghorn220

    foghorn220 Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    As you said it seems just like it was yesterday she was crawling around the white house.

  3. blizzard

    blizzard Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws
    while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

    Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled
    and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

    One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
    walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and
    she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda
    that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her
    brains in for over an hour.

    The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors
    were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

    When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread
    on the back of her head.

    A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud
    noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the
    back of her head.

    When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
    thought it was her brains.

    She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her
    brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

    Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm sure that is irrelevant
  4. Dennisw

    Dennisw Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    as Homer Simpson would say...... DOH!!!
  5. Janet

    Janet TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Watch the blond jokes - I would have known the difference between having a doughboy in my head or a shotgun shell, I bet..
  6. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her
    telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few
    occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the
    phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to
    see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole,
    in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't
    ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to
    ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found

    1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel
    chain and collar 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose 3.
    The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was
    4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
    5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to

    This demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and

    Thought you'd like to know!
  7. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    A Doctor in Minnesota told his assistant, "Ole, I am going hunting
    tomorrow and I don't vant to close the clinic. I vant you to be in
    charge of the clinic and take care of da patients."

    "Yes sir," answers Ole.

    The next day, the doctor returns from hunting.and asks Ole, "So, Ole,
    how did you get along yesterday?"

    Ole tells him he took care of three patients. The first one had a
    headache.so I gave him TYLENOL.

    "Bravo, ya Ole!..and the second one?" asks the doctor.

    "The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says

    "Bravo, bravo Ole! You're good at this! And what about the tird one?"
    asks the doctor.

    "Sir, I vas sitting here..and suddenly the door opens and a woman
    enters like a flame. She undresses herself;
    taking off her bra and her panties; and lies down on the table and
    shouts: 'HELP ME! For five years, I have not
    seen a man !"

    "And what did you do, Ole?" asks the doctor.

    "I put eye drops in her eyes," says Ole.

  8. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    Subject: Star Trek

    The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

    They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

    President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

    The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is: Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black, Sulu who is Chinese, But no Arabs.

    My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek. "

    President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back," It's because it takes place in the future."

  9. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's Home Opening Game, sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.

    At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy." Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it!

    Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly, baby.! With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, Lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.

    He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that !" Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he ask!s what is wrong. The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the First Pitch.

  10. BP348

    BP348 Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I ended up with a nice woman at a club last night. She looked pretty good

    for a 62-year-old.

    We drank a few, and danced a few and she asked me if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.

    "What's that?" I asked.

    "It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.

    I said, "No."

    We drank some more ... then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

    I went back to her place.

    She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, "Mom, you still awake?"

  11. rscotty

    rscotty TS Member

    Apr 9, 2007
    A blonde was on a flight to Houston when she noticed an empty seat up in first class. She got up and reseated herself in first class. Very shortly after this, a flight attendant told her that she couldn't sit in first class and must return to her assigned seat.

    She replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm not moving."

    The attendant went to the chief flight attendant and explained the situation. The chief attendant took pains to explain that she had to go back to her seat. She replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm not moving."

    The chief attendant went into the cockpit to explain the situation to the crew and have them radio ahead to have the police ready at Houston to deal with her. She said" There's a blonde that has seated herself in first class and won't return to her seat."

    The pilot said "A blonde you say? No problem - I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde"

    The pilot went to the blonde, leaned over and whispered in he ear. She quickly got up and said "Oh, I'm so sorry" and returned to her seat.

    The rest of the crew were thoroughly impressed and asked the pilot what he said that made her move so quickly and willingly.

    The Pilot said "I just told her that first class wasn't going to Houston."
  12. foghorn220

    foghorn220 Active Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Here is a funny clip after the help gets tired of a chewing out from the boss man.

    <embed src="http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/mediaplayer.swf" flashvars="file=http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/dontmesswithboss.flv&displayheight=321&image=http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/bosspayback75.jpg" loop="false" menu="false" quality="high" bgcolor="#ffffff" width="425" height="345" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" />

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