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Laugh of the day

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by bigbore613, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. bigbore613

    bigbore613 TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Jan 29, 1998
    An oldie but goodie!!

    (If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!)

    The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured =0 A from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

    The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

    The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.
    'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'

    The old Chief calmly replied, ' Vietnam ' .

    LOL. Jeff
  2. Texshooter

    Texshooter Member

    Jan 29, 1998
  3. Recoil Sissy

    Recoil Sissy Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998

    The above referenced article (dated 4-21-09 from Salt Lake City) would be an example of fact imitating fiction.

    Junior dropped a load in his drawers when the deputy surprised him. Moral of the story: Never attempt to burgle a car while a uniformed cop is sitting in it.

    sissy : )
  4. tad houston

    tad houston TS Member

    Dec 21, 2006
    Church Gossip

    Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals,
    kept sticking her nose in to other people's business.

    Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
    but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

    She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
    She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone
    seeing it there would know what he was doing.

    Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
    He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.

    Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house
    ...walked home...and left it there all night!!!

    You gotta love Frank!
  5. Ljutic111

    Ljutic111 TS Member

    Jan 20, 2008
    Very Good . Thanks for that one .
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