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Lady driver over 65- Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by porky, Sep 2, 2012.

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  1. porky

    porky TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,267
    Lady Driver over 65...

    A mature (over 65) lady gets pulled over for speeding...

    Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

    Older Woman: Oh, I see.

    Officer: Can I see your license please?

    Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

    Officer: Don't have one?

    Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

    Older Woman: I can't do that.

    Officer: Why not?

    Older Woman: I stole this car.

    Officer: Stole it?

    Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

    Officer: You what?

    Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to
    see

    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
    for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
    slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps
    out of her vehicle.

    Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
    murdered the owner.

    Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

    Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

    The officer is quite stunned.

    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to
    the officer.

    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a
    license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
    owner.

    Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


    Don't Mess With Older Ladies!
     
  2. 3dram8

    3dram8 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    929
    Must be the same little old lady that was pulled over later by another officer. She told him she had a concealed carry permit, had a Beretta 9mm in her purse, a Glock .45 in the console, a S&W 629 .44 magnum in the glovebox, and a Rem. 870 Riot Pump Shotgun in the trunk loaded with 00 buckshot. The officer said, "My goodness! What are you afraid of?" She replied, "Not a GD thing, sir!" ....Rick
     
  3. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    3,038
    Location:
    Minnysoda
    Ole and Sven

    Ole and Sven are walking down a street in Minocqua WI,
    when they see a sign on a store that reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts
    $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 per pair.


    " Ole says to his pal, "Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese,
    take 'em back ta Dulute, sell 'em to our friends, 'n make a fortune.

    Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do da talkin
    cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we're ignrant n try to
    cheat us. No way, dey'll know we're from Minnysoda ."


    They go in and Ole says with his best " Wisconsin " accent, "I'll take
    50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each,
    and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and
    ...."


    The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Minnesota , ain't you?"


    "Vell...yeah," says a surprised Ole, "How'd ya know dat!?"


    "Because this is a dry-cleaners........
     
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