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Joke for today

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Fast Oil, Jul 13, 2010.

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  1. Fast Oil

    Fast Oil TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

    The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

    Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

    The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

    Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

    Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

    "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

    He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

    Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

    "You're an aide in the Obama Administration", says Bud.

    "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

    "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...

    Now give me back my dog.
  2. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Aug 27, 2007
    West Central Florida
    Thanks that was great. Bulge.
  3. Remstar311

    Remstar311 Member

    Sep 15, 2008
    LOL. Good one to start the day. Thanks.
  4. EuroJoe

    EuroJoe TS Supporters TS Supporters

    May 3, 2008
    GREAT !!!!
  5. Gary288

    Gary288 TS Member

    Apr 24, 2010
    Love it!! Sounds like some of the deer hunters we get from the big city.
  6. bigunn

    bigunn TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."

    The man behind the counter says, The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. But what I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today. The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.

    He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to
    Himself, "I think my driver will do the job."

    The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole."

    Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter
    He said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."

    The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir, I do believe this
    Green will break right to left."

    Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he
    Decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

    Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game ?"

    The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."

    A week passed and, excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."

    The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."

    "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible!!!!!"

    The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."

    The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"

    The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is serving as President."
  7. E. Beaver

    E. Beaver Member

    Oct 27, 2007
    I'm still laughing!

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