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jesus heals

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by George Steffes, Jan 12, 2011.

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  1. George Steffes

    George Steffes TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    149
    A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
    The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
    The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

    The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back.
    He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea.
    He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
    The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

    The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches.
    He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey!
    How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?"
    He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
    The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

    As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
    The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

    Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
    The Libertarian felt his back straighten up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

    Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.
    The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."
     
  2. BILL GRILL

    BILL GRILL Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,764
  3. porky

    porky TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,267
    That's a good one
     
  4. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    3,044
    Location:
    Minnysoda
    A drunk man, who smelled of liquor, sat down on a subway next to a
    priest.
    The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and
    a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat pocket. He
    opened his newspaper and began reading.

    After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father,
    do you know
    what causes arthritis?'

    The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
    cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
    sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

    The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to
    his paper.

    The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
    apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long
    have you had arthritis?'

    The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here

    that the Pope does.'
     
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