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Illinois S**ks

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by coyote1234, Jan 6, 2013.

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  1. coyote1234

    coyote1234 Member

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    Why do all the trees in Indiana lean west?
    Because Illinois S**ks

    What do you call a good looking girl in Illinois?
    A tourist

    What is the best thing ever to come out of Illinois?
    Interstate 74

    What is the first sign of intelligent life west of Chicago?
    Davenport, Iowa

    Why did they install astroturf in Memorial Stadium?
    To keep the cheerleaders from grazing

    How many Illini freshman does it take to change a lightbulb?
    NONE. That is a sophomore class.

    How do you get an Illini cheerleader into your dorm room?
    Grease her sides and push like hell.

    What is the difference between Assembly Hall and a porcupine?
    A porcupine has 15,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE!!!
     
  2. CharlieAMA

    CharlieAMA TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    Damn, tell us how you really feel, Coyote 1234. LOL.
     
  3. Barry C. Roach

    Barry C. Roach Well-Known Member

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    Aw!!!! Your Mother wears combat boots!
     
  4. crusha

    crusha TS Member

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    What do Illinois girls put behind their ears to attract boys...their ankles.
     
  5. Holeinmypattern

    Holeinmypattern TS Member

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    Since I am from Illinois I will agree that our state goverment sucks. However, being a U of I grad myself I can assure you there are plenty of smoking hot women there, just drive up Lincoln Ave past the on a hot day and see them lay out in bikinis! 95% of the problem in this state is north of I-80 and east of I-39. That being said there are alot of good people in that area, it just happens there is alot more idiots!

    -John
     
  6. coyote1234

    coyote1234 Member

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    the girls of the SEC are SO much hotter than the big 10...and our football program rocks...GO TIDE
     
  7. grntitan

    grntitan Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    IL(The gun friendly Southern Part)
    Ah Go Tide, that explains a lot. Lets see:




    10. How do you make Alabama cookies? Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.<br>

    9. It's reported that Nick Saban will only dress 20 players for the Tennessee game. The rest will have to dress themselves.<br>

    8. What does the average Alabama student get on his SAT score? Drool.<br>

    7. What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate? Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?<br>

    6. An Alabama fan walks into the doctor's office one day with a hat on. He takes off his hat, and the doctor sees that there is a big frog sitting right on top of his head. The doctor looks at the man and asks him why he has a frog sitting on his head. It was the frog who replied "Actually doc, I was the one who wanted to see you. Can you remove this wart off my butt?"<br>

    5. Why should the University of Alabama change it's team name to the opossums? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.<br>

    4. Where was O.J. really hiding at right before the famous Bronco chase? On the campus at Alabama. He figured they would never find a real football player there.<br>

    3. What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Alabama campus? a Visitor.<br>

    2. What should you do if you find three Alabama fans buried up to their necks in cement? Get more cement.<br>


    1. What do a maggot and an Alabama fan have in common? They can both live off of a dead bear for 20 years.<br>
     
  8. EuroJoe

    EuroJoe TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    GRNTITAN for Governor of IL. Sure as hell to get my vote !! ILMFAO at the 'bama comments!!!! By the way COYOTE, the porcupine quote is about Porsches, not assembly hall. I know, because I used to sell them, used to own one, and I am one!!!! Where is YOTE shooter when you need him??
     
  9. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Say good bye to the tide tonight
     
  10. scott calhoun

    scott calhoun Well-Known Member

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    Chicago area
    Do you know what you have if you get five Alabama cheerleaders in the same room?

    A full set of teeth.
     
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