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If Santa answered his mail honestly....

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by Brian in Oregon, Dec 25, 2007.

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  1. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    25,238
    Location:
    Deplorable Bitter Clinger in Liberal La La Land
    Deer Santa,<br>
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
    all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy<br>
    <br>
    Dear Billy,<br>
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa<br>
    <br>
    ******************* **********************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah<br>
    <br>
    Dear Sarah,<br>
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy<br>
    <br>
    Dear Teddy,<br>
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. ; Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G. I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis<br>
    <br>
    Dear Francis,<br>
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan <br>
    <br>
    Dear Susan,<br>
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas<br>
    <br>
    Dear Thomas,<br>
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica<br>
    <br>
    Dear Jessica,<br>
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dear Santa,<br>
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
    PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy<br>
    <br>
    Dear Timmy,<br>
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa<br>
    <br>
    ****************************************************<br>
    <br>
    Dearest Santa,<br>
    We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky<br>
    <br>
    Dear Mark,<br>
    First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa
     
  2. Hipshot 3

    Hipshot 3 TS Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2007
    Messages:
    1,796
    Brian......thats funny! I'm rolling on the bloody floor! My kinda Santa....thanks!
     
  3. shot410ga

    shot410ga Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    7,759
    This Santa is a real "Hard Ass"."
     
  4. grammie

    grammie TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    658
    He would say------"Why the hell do you people always confuse me with a religion"????

    I don't have anything to do your your God or Religion,,,,I am something else!!!! Don't you morons know that by now or do you still sleep with your blankie and a light-on????

    Somehow,,in some twisted way,,you people have stolen my "festival of the sun" and turned it into a perverted lie,,and twisted my entire festival into a tradition that instead of celebrating the lenghtening days and another good season,,,,you used it for evil purposes!!!!!

    Now for the last time,,,,,git yer "own" life,,,,and yer "own" story!!!!!! Something,,,,anything with a "virgin" in it will do,,,that'll go over real good,,,,,72 of'um or just one!!! Hell,,you make up the story!!!!!!!!!!!

    AKA Grammie..............
     
  5. nicky

    nicky Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    283
    Brian have you been opening my mail again ? , (St.) Nicky
     
  6. MX/MT

    MX/MT TS Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2007
    Messages:
    239
    Grammie.....this nice man in the white coat is here to help you.....just swallow this little pill and it'll be all better.
     
  7. Hipshot 3

    Hipshot 3 TS Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2007
    Messages:
    1,796
    Grammie knows of whence he speaks! You guys just ain't really listening! The trick is .....you got to WANT to listen before you can understand!
     
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