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Idiot sightings*****Humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), May 26, 2012.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
    I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
    I said "May I have large bills, please"

    She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
    When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....




    IDIOT SIGHTING
    When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

    This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
    He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

    We haven't used Sears repair since.



    IDIOT SIGHTING
    My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
    She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
    The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

    Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
    to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
    I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

    From Kingman , KS


    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
    -- From Kansas City


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

    Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

    She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
    our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
    Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

    This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
    and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

    A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.


    IDIOT SIGHTING
    How would you pronounce this child's name?
    "Le-a"
    Leah?? NO
    Lee - A?? NOPE
    Lay - a?? NO
    Lei?? Guess Again.
    This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo.
    Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
    It's pronounced "Ledasha".
    When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

    SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
    If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

    STAY ALERT!

    They walk among us......and they VOTE
  2. kgp912kgp

    kgp912kgp Member

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    I thought they were only in CA but here is proof they exist elsewhere. DASH to the top.
  3. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

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    18,647
    My wife was tired, worn out, and distraught because of a screaming baby while she was shopping. She went to the SUV to change his diaper and nurse him, and did this in the back seat, since it was a bench seat. The doors have child locks on them, so they cannot be opened from the inside. She discovered the door handle would not work, and panicked. She rolled down the window and called to a stranger to help open the door.

    When she got home she told me the story, and got slower and slower at the end, then started laughing as she realised she could have opened the door from the outside too.

    Doh!
  4. crusha

    crusha TS Member

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    5,768
    Did she button up her shirt first?
  5. Brian in Oregon

    Brian in Oregon Well-Known Member

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    OMG I hope so LOL!
  6. Capjim

    Capjim TS Member

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    A friend of mine was on the phone talking to her daughter. I only heard 1/2 of the conversation. It went like this "Sure you can trade me a 5 ones for a 5, why do you need 5 1's?" After the answer she hung up and held her head in her hands. I asked what was happening? She tole me her daughter was going to the dollar store and only had 5-dollar bills, she figured she could only use 1-dollar bills in the dollar store.
  7. XP100

    XP100 Active Member

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    Capjim, was she blond?? LOL
  8. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Beautiful Louisburg Minnysoda
    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.
    With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"


    The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"
  9. lots of 24's

    lots of 24's Member

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  10. charleyj10

    charleyj10 TS Member

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    And they walk among us........

    Charlie
  11. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Well-Known Member

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    And Charley they VOTE.
  12. charleyj10

    charleyj10 TS Member

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    That's what really bothers us......

    Charlie
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