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I must look worst than I thought????

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by senior smoke, Jan 14, 2011.

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  1. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Hello:
    I had to go to my aunt Marlyn's wake this afternoon. I have not seen this side of my family in awhile, so I made sure that I wore a new shirt and tie, new slacks, and I polished my shoes, and I also wore a new winter coat. My wife looked me over and said I looked nice. Let's face it, some people can wear a Tuxedo and they still look bad. Regardless, I tried to look presentable the best as I could.

    I get to the funeral home 15 minutes before the wake was to start, so I looked for a Mcdonald's to get something to drink. This funeral home is in a terrible, rough neighborhood, and as luck would have it, the drive through was closed due to a truck was making a delivery. I get out of the car, as I am walking up to the door, a big, dirty looking street tough in dirty stained rags was blocking the door to get in, asking me if I had any change to spare? I was afraid to say no, as he could of beat me to a pulp. I gave him a quarter and he let me into the building.

    As I walk in I hear a big guy with a name tag that says he's the manager speaking to an elderly woman as she must have complained about the guy begging for money just before I walked in. He says to the woman as he is pointing to me"is this the bum that was standing outside blocking my door? The woman said knoooow!
    Suddenly I said to myself, what the heck, do I look that bad that a Mcdonald's manager thinks I'm a stumble bum? How bad do I really look? I walk into the men's room and look into the mirror. I said to myself, what the hell happen to me?

    I get my drink and go back to the funeral parlor. Relatives who have not seen me in years comment that I am looking good. I am saying to myself, yeah right?

    Steve Balistreri
     
  2. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

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    Steve, ain't it nice to be loved. Boy, you have a penchant for getting into some of the most unusual and funny circumstance. I look forward to your threads. Sorry about the loss of your aunt. Jackie B.
     
  3. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Jackie B:
    Thanks, my aunt died of alzheimer's, she was only 72. All my life I have been a loon magnet. I can go to any shoot in the nation, and it doesn't take long before the local club nitwit will strike up a conversation with me. Maybe I'm just lucky, or they seen something that says I'm one of them?
    Steve
     
  4. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    rPeerless:
    Thanks.
    Steve
     
  5. Conn. Man

    Conn. Man Member

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    Steve,

    Im sorry for your loss also.

    Sandy Holehouse
     
  6. BigBruno

    BigBruno TS Member

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    Steve, this is absolutely the funniest thing I've heard this year! Bwahahahahaha
     
  7. BigBruno

    BigBruno TS Member

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    The part where you say the manager said "Is this the guy" is making me cry. I'm sorry.
     
  8. oskerspap12

    oskerspap12 Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
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    1,235
    Howdy fellers,

    Let me tell you a little story.
    I'm shopping(getting dragged along)in India with my wife,my son(Osker),and his friend Sahil.Well,I'm a beggar magnet.........long story short........I got really tired of saying Nei ji(no sir),or buse(enough!)to the 8007 people that approached me.......say within the last hour ,or so.

    So,I sat down on the edge of wall outside a store that my wife when into,and told Osker,and Sahil to tell anyone that approached me to tell them I was crazy.Sure enough,here comes this old woman,and she starts her beggin' thing.I was sitting there smokein' a smoke,and shaking my head making grunting noises...........snort grunt pop zoom whizz fart ect.....
    Worked like a charm.......she looked at me,kind of hung her head,looking at me with pity,and walked away............Funniest thing I've seen in years,hell it worked 3 or 4 more times before the wife ever got out danm store.

    Man I hate shopping....................

    D.P.Reynolds
     
  9. grnberetcj

    grnberetcj Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
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    5,680

    [​IMG]


    yeah...that's us!!

    Curt
     
  10. stokinpls

    stokinpls Well-Known Member

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    6,483
    You should have just ordered a water. ;-)
     
  11. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

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    Steve, relatives lie. Bulge.
     
  12. cubancigar2000

    cubancigar2000 Well-Known Member

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    Steve, you should write books in your retirement
     
  13. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    oskerspap12:
    That's funny.
    Steve

    gynberetc:
    That cartoon is funny.
    Steve

    Bulge:
    How true.
    Steve
     
  14. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    cubancigar2000:
    Funny that you should say that, as I wrote a book of traveling to trap shoots over the past 40 years with my best friend. To date, I can not get it published. I will PM you with a couple of stories from my book.
    Steve
     
  15. 320090T

    320090T Well-Known Member

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    Post a pic, let us decide!
     
  16. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    don't know how to post a picture.
    Steve
     
  17. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

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    Location:
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    I go attend my aunt's service today. After we buried her I decided to change clothes an go out to my cousin and her husband's gun club, Boxhorn's. I felt depressed and needed a lift.

    I wasn't aware that the bar on top of the hill had a fish jamboree going on today. It was very well attended and hard to find a parking space. I go in and shoot a couple rounds and I go to my car because I want to get lighter lenses for my shooting glasses.

    As I reach my car, two big guys who were attending the jamboree are leaning up against my car, red faced, and look pissed off. One of them says is this your car? I said no, why? He said some dumb sob parked his car right behind my jeep and I am boxed in because there is a trailer in front of my jeep and I can't get out and I need to be someplace. I never saw the trailer as it was low. The guy said I'd like to beat the crap out of this guy.

    I said I know who owns it, but he collasped inside the gun club and the ambulance is on it's way. I said I will get the keys and move it for you. I run into the club house, turn around and walk back and the guy said thanks for helping me out. The guy leaves and I go get my equipment and as I am driving home I'm looking for this guy in my mirrors, as hopefully he won't see me.

    I tell my wife that the guy was lucky I wasn't in a bad mood, as I would have used Kung Fu as I recently read a book on it. My wife laughs and said you couldn't beat up a nun in a wheelchair. So I made the noise of a karate guy, "Ha yah" with my hands and raised my leg and I got a charlie horse in the back of my thieh and was yelling in pain to help me. My wife said he would have killed you. Told her I went to Catholic school and I never met a nun I couldn't have taken, wheelchair or not. She said yeah, yeah, yeah.
    Steve
     
  18. likes-to-shoot

    likes-to-shoot Well-Known Member

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    LOL thanks Steve, now I will be singing that song "everyone was kung fu fighting" in my head all night long. lol
     
  19. 320090T

    320090T Well-Known Member

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    Played hockey with some nuns on a pond at St Marys of the Woods in West Terre Haute, IN with the idea of "What damage can some nuns do?" Never again.....
     
  20. Frank C

    Frank C Well-Known Member

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    Here you go Steve, get some of this!!

    [​IMG]
     
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