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I MUST BE A JACK OF ALL TRADES, MASTER OF NONE?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by senior smoke, Feb 12, 2010.

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  1. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    HELLO:
    i have owned my own home since 1976. i never realized how many home repairs and odd things thing i would have to fix being a homeowner. the first day i moved into my home my tool box consisted of a hammer, and a phillips and straight slot screw driver. over the years i have had to learn how to fix things out of neccesity.

    i am the type of person who doesn't fix anything unless i really have to. my wife is the type of person who wakes up in the morning and puts on a hard hat and gets a clip board and inspects the house for needed repairs. if i fixed every thing she has on her list i would never be able to shoot again.

    my wife believes that all i care about in life is trapshooting. i tell her my priorities in life are, God, my family, and my job. she feels my priorities are trapshooting, trapshooting and trapshooting. ouch! that hurts and it is not true.

    my wife is aware that i am not the best at home repairs. like the first year in our house in 1976. we had new carpet installed and a closet door would not close real easy due to the pad and carpet was higher than the original. she asked me to take a circular saw and cut the bottom of the door about a 1/4 inch to compensate for the new carpet. i take the door off, carry it outside, measure a quarter inch and masking tape it. i did a beautiful job, i thought. i get back inside and hang the door and the door is still dragging on the carpet. i take the door off again, cut off another quarter inch and rehang the door and it is still dragging. what the heck is wrong? well as my wife pointed out i cut the top of the door instead of the bottom. we now had a slot for mail at the top of the door. so i had to get a new door. things like this happen to me all the time. my wife ask me why doesn't this type of thing happen when i do gun repairs? "good question"

    then there was the time when my wife here"s a bird chirping in our gudder. she ask me to listen , do i hear a bird chirping in the gudder? no i don't, she said trapshooting has made me deaf. so i had to take the gudder apart and save the young bird.

    recently, my wife calls frantically from the basement that "there must be an animal in our dryer". every time she put the dryer on she heard something running inside the dryer. she asked me to listen, as usual i hear nothing. she said that i remind her of sargent schultz from the tv show "hogans heroes", "i see nothing, I hear nothing" unless it has something to do with trapshooting she says, Not true! so i get a black plastic garbage bag, place it around the vent attached to the dryer, nothing happens. my wife turns the dryer on and low and behold something runs into the bag. i quickly take it out side and empty the bag and it is a chipmunk. he must of gotten in through the outside vent attached to the dryer. the chip monk is lifeless, so i get a tweezer because i see his nose is filled with the gunk that accumulates in your dryer. i take it out of his nose, and suddenly he awakes and runs off.

    so in conclusion, owning a home has now made me a jack of all trades, master of none. my tool box has grown since 1976, i added a pliars. my wife calls my grandkids and tells them that i saved a chip monk. the kids start laughing, and my wife said, he really did.
    steve balistreri
     
  2. Landshark

    Landshark Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2008
    Messages:
    445
    LMAO!!!!!!!!! You just made my day!!
     
  3. wolfram

    wolfram Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2007
    Messages:
    6,266
    I have a whole bunch of tools but really the most important part of my tool chest is a small refigerator full of beer. The way that works is I dive into a repair job and muck it up to the point where I call a friend that happens to work in the field of what ever I have just rendered FUBAR and he comes over and bails me out. I then feed him as many cold beers as he wants while listening to his lecture about 'call me first before you try something like that again'.
     
  4. senior smoke

    senior smoke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    Messages:
    7,577
    Location:
    Wauwatosa Wisconsin
    wolfram:
    you just got me some good ideas!
    steve
     
  5. handlepuller

    handlepuller Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,554
    Location:
    St. Augusta, MN
    Very funny story Steve.

    You always crack me up.
     
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