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Humor for Monday - For you Grammar Nazi's

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by dverna, Jun 1, 2009.

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  1. dverna

    dverna Active Member

    Joined:
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    Humor for Monday - For you Grammar Nazi

    I found this on another site.

    Enjoy,

    Don

    On his 74th birthday, a man in Colorado received a gift certificate from his wife.

    The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation.
    The medicine man was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

    After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man,
    all the time wondering what was to come.

    The old medicine man slowly and methodically produced a potion, which he handed to the 74 year-old.
    Gripping his shoulder, the medicine man warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected.
    You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become manlier than you
    have ever been in your life and you will be able to perform as long as you want."

    0K - The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,
    "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

    "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" the medicine man responded.

    "When she does that, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

    The old man was very eager to see if the potion worked, so he went home, showered, shaved,
    took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

    When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
    Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

    His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes.
    And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

    And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition
    – or one will end up with a dangling participle!
     
  2. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
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    6,624
    Location:
    Michigan
    My Grandma is not a Nazi!!!!!

    Don
     
  3. Haskins Bill

    Haskins Bill TS Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    777
    Daffy Duck was in a hotel and called down to the front desk and asked for a condom. The girl asked "Do you want that put on your bill?" Daffys's reply was " Are you thupid? I would thuffocate!!!" Bill
     
  4. Barry C. Roach

    Barry C. Roach Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
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    9,209
    Location:
    Scottsdale, AZ
    My good friend, Rick Arnett, witnessed this courtroom drama:

    One day in the county courthouse there was a room set up just for a whole gaggle of offenders waiting their arraignment for solicitation. Each, but one, had their lawyers beside them.

    The first man was told to stand and the judge says, "you are accused of solicitation of a prostitute, how do you plead?" The man looked to his lawyer who whispered in in his ear and the young man says, "not guilty your honor." This was to go on the same for all but one. He had no lawyer and appeared to be in his late 70's or early 80's.

    When his name was called,he stood to attention quickly. The judge asks, "you are accused of solicitation of a prostitute, how do you plea? The old man looked the judge straight in the eye and exclaimed proudly, "guilty as hell, your honor!

    True story, says Rick, slightly embellished by meself.
     
  5. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    11,666
    Location:
    West Central Florida
    The Pastor's Ass

    A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
    again, and it won again.

    The local paper read:

    PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor

    not to enter the donkey in another race..

    The next day, the local paper headline read:

    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
    of the donkey..

    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

    NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

    The Bishop fainted!

    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
    sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the papers read:

    NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
    donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read:

    NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

    The Bishop was buried the next day.
     
  6. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

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    Location:
    West Central Florida
    Subject: Doctor's Advise

    GAY BARNEY

    Gay Barney goes into the doctor’s office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, “Barney, I’m not going to beat around the bush here. You have AIDS.”
    Barney is devastated. “Doc, what can I do?”
    “Eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 6 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, ½ box of Grape Nuts cereal and top it off with a gallon of prune juice.”
    Bewildered, Barney asks “Will that cure me Doc?”
    “No” says the doctor. “But it will leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for.”
     
  7. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    Thanks Bulge
     
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hpw tp set up a grammar trap for grammar nazis