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How to keep retirees occupied

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by bigdogtx, Jan 5, 2012.

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  1. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Aug 5, 2006
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
    Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
    preferred to get in and get out.

    Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local

    Dear Mrs. Samuel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
    our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
    both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
    Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
    'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.' This caused the employee
    to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
    Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
    management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
    on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
    were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
    then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
  2. hmb

    hmb Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    My Target does not have a Hunting Dept. and does not have guns. Does yours? HMB
  3. bigdogtx

    bigdogtx Well-Known Member

    Aug 5, 2006
    Nope,,,,,but changed it to Wal-Mart.....
  4. Ljutic111

    Ljutic111 TS Member

    Jan 20, 2008
    Why doesn`t Target have a Hunting Dept ? It seems more appropriate where a "target" is involved .
  5. b12

    b12 Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Target is owned by the french. They don't allow the Marines for toys for tots in, the don't allow salvation army, or any other orginazition to solicit for goodwill. Buy the way target stores are pronounced Tar-gay that is the french pronounciation. Wild Bill
  6. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Near but not in chicago
    Thanks for the laugh! Information will be helpful too as I'll be retiring soon
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