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How to feed a cat medicine (ATTN: Jack - aka MIA)

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by h92064, Nov 3, 2010.

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  1. h92064

    h92064 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Messages:
    235
    > How to Give a Cat a Pill
    ><br><br>
    > 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
    > holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
    > cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
    > right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
    > mouth and swallow.
    ><br><br>
    > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
    > left arm and repeat process.
    ><br><br>
    > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    ><br><br>
    > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
    > paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
    > mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
    ><br><br>
    > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.Call
    > spouse in from the garden.
    ><br><br>
    > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
    > rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
    > firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
    > down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
    ><br><br>
    > 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap.
    > Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
    > shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
    > later.
    ><br><br>
    > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
    > visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
    > mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw
    ><br><br>
    > 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one
    > beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove
    > blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
    ><br><br>
    > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
    > beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head
    > showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
    > with elastic band.
    ><br><br>
    > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
    > Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
    > compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
    > Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
    > Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
    ><br><br>
    > 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the
    > tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence
    > while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
    ><br><br>
    > 13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'S
    > front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
    > dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet
    > steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of
    > water down throat to wash pill down.
    ><br><br>
    > 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
    > emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
    > and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
    > home to order new table.
    ><br><br>
    > 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
    > pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
    ><br><br>
    >
    > How To Give A Dog A Pill
    ><br>
    > 1. Wrap it in bacon.
    ><br>
    > 2. Toss it in the air.
    ><br><br><br>
    > "Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden
    > when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved
    > brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring". ~
    > Oscar Wilde ~
     
  2. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    6,675
    Yeah, I can relate. Last summer Kitty pounced on a Bee and got stung in the paw. I called my Vet (who happens to be a Sporting Clays shooter and a friend of mine) because Kitty's paw was swollen 2 or 3 times the size of the other. He told me to "try" to give him Benedril. Well, I think it would of been easier to put a tooth pic up his A$$ because he went nuts.

    Jb
     
  3. Jack Frost

    Jack Frost TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2009
    Messages:
    229
    Oh yes, I know this routine. All the best.

    J.F.
     
  4. cpd544

    cpd544 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2009
    Messages:
    220
    I am still laughing, that was hilarious.
     
    EuroJoe thanked this.
  5. CANTWIN

    CANTWIN Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
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    That is one of the best things I have ever read.Thank You

    hook
     
  6. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,091
    Now that is funny!

    Thanks for the morning laugh!

    Hauxfan!
     
  7. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    6,624
    Location:
    Michigan
    Place surgical tubing around cat's neck tightly at least an hour prior, at the end of the hour the cat's mouth will open and close easily. If cat doesn't arise after another hour place in a garbage bag and put it at the curb on Fri. am.

    Don
     
  8. Bob Hawkes

    Bob Hawkes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,916
    Boy, cats really bring out the best in people don't they?
     
  9. CANTWIN

    CANTWIN Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    868
    I think J.F. should introduce some of these people to his cat.

    hook
     
  10. Dark Horse

    Dark Horse Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    190

    [​IMG]
    ROFLMAO...Even My Remy Dog is laughing because it is so true......Dumb Cats
     
  11. Kim Little

    Kim Little Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    596
    Location:
    Washington D.C.
    Looks like this guy needs a few pills.
     
  12. Dickgshot

    Dickgshot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,676
    O.K. you dog guys think you're so funny. Wait until your precious Fido croaks and you come on here looking for sympathy.
     
  13. JACK

    JACK Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2006
    Messages:
    14,742
    Location:
    NW Wisconsin
    jeff. of all the crappy things to say. You take the cake
     
  14. The Rock

    The Rock Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,491
    Which end to poke the pill in?

    Rock

    Jim
     
  15. kirbythegunsmith

    kirbythegunsmith Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    192
    During some of my mis-spent youth, I used to read the MAD Magazines every now and then.

    One comic had a similar cat-pill situation with no satisfactory conclusion as previously recounted.

    The guy had an ingenious solution: he ground the pill into dust and rubbed it into the cat's fur, and you know that a cat can't abide a "dirty fur" condition, so the cat licks itself clean and ingests the pill contents.

    Beat that for a solution this side of an injectable dart from the tranquilizer gun.

    Done.

    Kirby
     
  16. kansasshooter

    kansasshooter Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Messages:
    56
    If my "precious Fido" croaked, I don't think I'd come to trapshooters.com looking for sympathy.
     
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