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Holiday Eating Tips (OT)

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Hauxfan, Dec 12, 2009.

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  1. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can - and quickly; it's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me ... Have two! It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Helloooo?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies...Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards!

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

    Remember this motto to live by:
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO!! What a ride!"

    Have a great and Happy Christmas!

    Hauxfan!
     
  2. razor

    razor TS Member

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    oh! hauxfan, you forgot about homemade ice cream freshly made on the farm. with double rich fudge sauce. razor
     
  3. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Razor&Ellie, There are probably lots of things I forgot.........I'm old, remember. lol

    Hauxfan!
     
  4. below 0

    below 0 TS Member

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    Did you know that they now have a new drink at the white house? It's watermelon juice and brandy.....They call it NigNog...lol
     
  5. wayneo

    wayneo Active Member

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    Haux, heres another tip. If you find something really really good on the buffet table, never_ I repeat never tell anybody how good it is. Then of course there is more for you!! Wayne
     
  6. crusha

    crusha TS Member

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    Well, they're right about the carrot part. I never cease to be amazed by stupid people like that.


    If anybody brings a "veggie tray," Rule 1.a should be to always make a big ceremony out of wrapping it back up (mostly uneaten) and handing it back to them as they leave.


    If you can't cook, Wal-Mart is open 24 hours, people!
     
  7. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Darn, Wayneo, I wasn't going to let that cat out of the bag. I've been holding onto that secret for nigh onto 50 years.

    That left more of the good stuff for me.......lol

    Hauxfan!
     
  8. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Hauxfan, my wish is that your Christmas and New Years are fantastic and you get many chances to be with your family and friends! Some day maybe I'll be one of those friends!
     
  9. Shooting Coach

    Shooting Coach Well-Known Member

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    I bought a home made 8" Pecan Pie and put it in the freezer for Christmas. I intend to eat the whole thing on Christmas day.

    This should be sufficiently gluttonous for the Holiday. LOL
     
  10. powderburn

    powderburn Member

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    I love this! This is one time of the year that gravy IS a beverage.
    -powderburn
     
  11. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Bruce, that would be great.........Looking forward to it.

    Someone mention gravy???

    My Dad used to say........If he would put potato's and gravy on the goal line, I'd score a touchdown everytime just to get to them.........

    Gosh, my Mom could sure make all of those good gravy's..........Yum Yum!

    Hauxfan!
     
  12. DoubleAuto

    DoubleAuto Well-Known Member

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    Every year we have a Christmas morning breakfast for the whole family. I married a good country cook who has been making biscuits from scratch since she was 10 years old at her granny's side. Pork rules this day with country ham, bacon, sausage and pork tenderloin. And the milk gravy and Red-eye gravy. With all the other stuff we have with it I believe the family likes it even better than the big Thanksgiving dinner we have each year.

    The big disagreement we have at breakfast is salt or sugar on grits? Salt, butter and pepper for me on grits.

    DoubleAuto
     
  13. wayneo

    wayneo Active Member

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    Sugar on grits??????Yuk. That is grit blasphemy. Might as well eat Creme of Wheat. Wayne
     
  14. DoubleAuto

    DoubleAuto Well-Known Member

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    Wayne:

    I agree. But we haven't been able to change the sugar grits members of the family over to salt and pepper on grits yet. I give them a rough time at breakfast every year about this (in a fun way).

    DoubleAuto
     
  15. Hauxfan

    Hauxfan Well-Known Member

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    Shootlow, no one can have enough of my Mom's gravy for two lifetimes. That was some good stuff......

    Hauxfan!
     
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