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History of the World

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by BRGII, Dec 21, 2008.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
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    History of the World!











    For those that don't know about our history, here is the condensed

    version:



    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and gatherers.They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and

    would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.



    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.These were the foundation of modern civilization and

    together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two

    distinct subgroups:



    1. Liberals

    2. Conservatives



    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.



    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.



    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.



    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.





    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.



    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal

    injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group

    therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.



    Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

    Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.



    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.



    Here ends today's lesson in world history:



    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.



    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.





    And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true
     
  2. ec90t

    ec90t Guest

    Damn, I thought that someone was starting a Mel Brooks movie thread!

    ec90t
     
  3. AJ100

    AJ100 TS Member

    Joined:
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    1,575
    PULL!

    "Like a stone."

    Tom(AJ100)


    [​IMG]
     
  4. Bocephas

    Bocephas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,019
    BRGll,I think the Liberals were cooking the BBQ,and making the beer.

    While the conservatives were doing the drinking and eating.

    They still are not Sober.

    How long did it take you to think this up?

    Good thread,funny,not much content.

    As Paul Harvey say's now the rest of the story.

    The true me.Merry Christmas to you and all your loved ones.

    PS.What test line is on your reel?

    Bocephas
     
  5. AJ100

    AJ100 TS Member

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    "Question: How do you separate the conservative men from the boys? Answer: With a crowbar!"

    I'll bet barney frank told you that one huh? barney can tell that joke because the man he has sex with is older. Same guy that had dealings with fannie and freddie isn't it? How convenient, sex and contributions to your campaing fund at the same time. Kinda like one stop shopping. Talk about earning money without having to get out of bed.LOL

    The question should be: How do you keep the liberal sheep herd happy after they find out obama really is just a two bit Chicago street organizer?

    Tom(AJ100)










    [​IMG]
     
  6. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    5,057
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    this is to ugly to get involved in
     
  7. Bob Schultz

    Bob Schultz Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Tuxedo NC
    ...and Barney Franks said, "Sheep? Where? Are they good looking sheep?"
     
  8. AJ100

    AJ100 TS Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
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    LOL Bob, I was thinking that since barney was in charge of "oversight", maybe those two lending organizations SHOULD have been called "Freddie's Fannie". I'll bet barney would have paid attention then. Right up his alley, so to speak.

    Damn, why didn't I think of that one sooner? Don't know how I missed that one.

    There ya go FLINCHER, tell us all about barney and HIS male lover.

    I just saw on TV that barney "lashed out" at obama today. This oughta be good.

    Tom(AJ100)







    [​IMG]
     
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