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History Lesson

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by BMC, Sep 14, 2007.

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  1. BMC

    BMC Member

    Oct 12, 2006
    A friend forwarded me this. Funny read.

    History lesson

    For those that don't know a lot about history...Here is a
    condensed version...

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
    nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
    during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in
    the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were the
    invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel
    was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
    civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
    into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals; and
    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
    the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
    aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting
    around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the

    That's how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
    B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
    beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
    learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
    B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
    beginning of the Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
    The rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy
    liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
    invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how
    to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the
    largest, most powerful land animal on earth; the elephant

    Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime
    added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc,with
    passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy notes, then
    rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and refreshing, with a
    hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier bottled water.
    They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
    standard liberal fare.

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
    women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
    workers, personal injury attorneys, Ivy League professors,
    journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
    invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
    pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling
    Lager. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
    Conservatives are big-game hunters, roller flyers, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
    workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
    executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works

    Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
    want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
    producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
    Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
    liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .
    They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
    business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be
    noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the
    above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
    convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded
    immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick
    them off.
  2. shutnlar

    shutnlar TS Member

    Nov 15, 2006
    The designated-hitter. Charlie Finley. NOW everything is clear. No wonder I like National League baseball.. Go* Dam* AL liberals. Well at least we still have beer and BBQ and sex with real women...LOL

  3. stokinpls

    stokinpls Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Gotta love them defeatocrats.
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