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Halloween Humor

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by FarmerD, Oct 26, 2007.

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  1. FarmerD

    FarmerD TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    781
    A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party.

    He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his bald head and his wooden
    leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

    A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
    cover
    your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a
    pirate.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.

    The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden
    leg
    and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives
    another parcel and a note, which says:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden
    leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co.

    Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his
    wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company
    another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and

    a note, which reads:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour
    the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden
    leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
    Very truly yours,
    Acme Costume Co
     
  2. Bawana

    Bawana TS Member

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    729
  3. Ertz

    Ertz Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    289
    Subject: Friendship....

    Friendship Between Women:
    A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

    Friendship Between Men:
    A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

    =============
     
  4. cimmaronkid

    cimmaronkid TS Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    124
    Very funny in both cases and very true in the last.
     
  5. hsharief

    hsharief TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    11
    This is my favorite Halloween joke.

    A little boy dressed as a pirate for halloween walks up to a house and rings the door bell. An elderly lady answers the door with a handful of candy. She looks at the little boy who is all alone and dressed in his pirate costume and says: "Hello Mr. Pirate, where are your buccaneers?" ...."Uh, Uh, Under my buckin hat" the boy replies.
     
  6. Pull & Mark

    Pull & Mark Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Messages:
    5,419
    Why can't Witches get pregnant??? Because Warlocks have holloweenies! I know its a old one. Break-em all. Jeff
     
  7. chessney

    chessney TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    644
    Do you know why they invented white choclate?...So at Halloween the colored kids can get messy too...Ziggy
     
  8. razor

    razor TS Member

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    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    219
    why don't witches wear underwear; so they can get a better grip on there broom. razor
     
  9. FarmerD

    FarmerD TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    781
    This is an oldish one, but one of the best if you haven't heard it before......


    A young man moved into a new apartment of his own, and went to the lobby
    to put his name on his mailbox.

    While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the
    mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she
    started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open,
    and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into
    a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed
    her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone
    coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and
    leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude,
    she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

    Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your
    ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these
    breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my
    butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can
    you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

    Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard
    someone coming.... that was me."
     
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