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Great truths about growing old

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Jan 8, 2009.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) Banned User Banned TS Supporters

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    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
     
  2. dbcook

    dbcook TS Member

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    growing old is much better than dying young.that is my opinion. dwain
     
  3. Juno

    Juno TS Member

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    Is youth is wasted on the young?
     
  4. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Age mellows some people; others it makes rotten.
     
  5. grunt

    grunt TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    Getting old you never trust a fart..
     
  6. acss

    acss Well-Known Member Supporting Vendor

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    here is some of my duckblind anologies on "how you know you're getting old"!
    #1- you start leaving food on your face- mustard on the corner of your mouth ,its there during the whole entire meal!!! thats why old people dont smooch as much-- less feeling in thse lips!!
    #2-when ordering a meal-you say-" i'd order it but i can only eat 1/2!"-- isay order it , in our family , someone will scarf the rest down!
    #3-during a conversation you say "how much is your gas down there"-- have you ever heard a 20yr old guy ask that question-NEVER! everytime i called home ,my dad wud ask that, and i think-dad ,you only drive 5000 miles a year, heck if it was $5/gallon it wudnt break you! i drive 35,0000 miles/ year ,have a gas station as part of our business, and i still dont ask that?

    gee- and i'm just gettin warmed up!!!
     
  7. Shooting Jack

    Shooting Jack Active Member

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    Grunt that was just too funny. I would add something but my wife would kill me and never forgive me... LOL Jackie B.
     
  8. BILL GRILL

    BILL GRILL Well-Known Member

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    Go see Benjamin Button it will warm your heart and if you think about it teach you something about being old. Bill
     
  9. shooter99

    shooter99 Well-Known Member

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    Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
    They include:

    Bobby Darin ---
    Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.



    Herman's Hermits ---
    Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker .



    Ringo Starr ---
    I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.






    The Bee Gees -- -
    How Can You Mend a Broken Hip..




    Roberta Flack---
    The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.


    Johnny Nash ---
    I Can't See Clearly Now.


    Paul Simon---
    Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver


    The Commodores ---
    Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.


    Marvin Gaye ---
    Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.


    Procol Harem---
    A Whiter Shade of Hair.


    Leo Sayer ---
    You Make Me Feel Like Napping.


    The Temptations ---
    Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.


    Abba---
    Denture Queen.


    Tony Orlando ---
    Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.


    Helen Reddy ---
    I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.



    Leslie Gore---
    It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

    And Last but NOT least:


    Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again
     
  10. Ibex

    Ibex TS Member

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    GWII,

    I nearly wet myself... oops maybe I did.

    Mike
     
  11. JLW

    JLW TS Member

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    My wife's grandfather;"My mind makes appointments my body can't keep".-Jerald MI
     
  12. jerryw

    jerryw TS Member

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    Great post's I can relate to most of them. Funny.

    Jerry Walker
     
  13. Bocephas

    Bocephas Well-Known Member

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    Getting lucky is finding your car.

    Bo
     
  14. DBax

    DBax TS Member

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    getting old for me has been , taking months to get over a small injury that when I was 25 took a week .

    Dean
     
  15. jcallan

    jcallan TS Member

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    Hey Grunt...

    Growing old...you fart when you are asked to trust.
     
  16. jcallan

    jcallan TS Member

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    Seriously...growing old is my mother in law meeting us for dinner tonight...

    Locking herself in her own car. I did not think this was even possible.

    Or my dad getting in the back seat to drive himself home in his car.

    Or my own young old self struggling to remember stuff on the tip of my tongue...it is incredibly frustrating to be aware of your own machine breaking down.
     
  17. jcallan

    jcallan TS Member

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    Perhaps we should care more about each other than we care about our things:

    Consider that we collect old things and we value and cherish them. We call them antique. We prize them and take them out and show them to our friends.

    We discard our old people. We do not seek their wisdom and experience. We hide them in dingy homes and seldom visit them. We let them wither and die of boredom and under use.

    Perhaps we should take a hint from Asia. They value their old like the rare treasures they are.
     
  18. Bruce Em

    Bruce Em Member

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    Great song parodies !

    Getting old is taking all night long to do what you used to do all night long.

    The end of life is defined when you can no longer wipe your own butt.

    regards
     
  19. Ruck

    Ruck Well-Known Member

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    The rest of what Grunt was trying to relate......rules for guys over 50:

    1) Never waste an erection

    2) Never pass up an opportunity to pee

    3) Never trust a fart
     
  20. Tdog

    Tdog TS Member

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    jcallan your statements are very true! We have the good things because of our seniors.
     
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