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Friday funnies

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by RickN, Mar 22, 2013.

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  1. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

    Sep 17, 2008
    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
    The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."

    The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

    The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
    The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

    When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.


    He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.

    His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

    She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

    "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"


    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

    was not in their bed.

    She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

    She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

    She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

    The husband looks up from his coffee,
    'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

    The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

    'Yes, I do' she replies.

    The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily..

    'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

    'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

    'I remember that too' she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

    'I would have been released today. '
  2. The Stive

    The Stive Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    The second one is an example of a very brave man. John
  3. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

    Aug 27, 2007
    West Central Florida
    A priest was presenting a special children's Mass to the congregation.

    During the message, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

    Now, asking questions during children's Mass is crucial, but at the same time,
    asking the children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

    Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection,
    a little boy raised his hand.

    The Priest called on him and the little boy said,"All I know is that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

    It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down
    enough from their laughter for Mass to be continued.
  4. rpeerless

    rpeerless Well-Known Member

    Dec 4, 2009
  5. AJKohler

    AJKohler Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    One point that has always occurred to me:

    If a man has an erection that lasts for four hours, why would he be complaining instead of trying to use it?

    If a woman's partner has an erection that lasts for four hours, why in hell isn't SHE screaming for medical help?

    Seems to me that there'd be a lot more reason to say 'if your partner has an erection that lasts for four hours . . .'

  6. hoot619

    hoot619 Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Well I hope he is calling a female friend! LOL Ken U
  7. redfin

    redfin TS Member

    Jan 3, 2013
    it happened to me,the first hour was fine,but 4 hours later i was hurting. joseph this aint no lie!
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