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For those with Daughters

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by bigunn, Mar 17, 2010.

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  1. bigunn

    bigunn TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    185
    APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER :
    NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.





    NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________



    HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________


    SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________


    BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________


    HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______



    Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
    Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
    If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
    _____________________________________________________________________


    Number of years they have been married ______________________________


    If less than your age, explain
    ____________________________________________________________________

    ____________________________________________________________________




    ACCESSORIES SECTION:


    A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No


    B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No


    C. A waterbed? __Yes __No


    D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No


    E. A tattoo? __Yes __No



    F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
    pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?



    (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
    AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)





    ESSAY SECTION:

    In a minimum of at least 50 words, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________



    In a minimum of at least 50 words, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________


    In a minimum of at least 50 words , what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

    ______________________________________________________________

    ______________________________________________________________



    REFERENCES SECTION:

    Church you attend ___________________________________________________


    How often you attend ________________________________________________


    When would be the best time to interview your:


    father? _____________


    mother? _____________


    pastor? _____________




    SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:



    Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
    are confidential.



    A: If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want shot would be:



    ______________________________________________________________

    B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:



    ______________________________________________________________

    C: A woman's place is in the:



    ______________________________________________________________

    D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:



    ______________________________________________________________

    E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

    ______________________________________________________________



    ______________________________________________________________

    F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

    _

    _____________________________________________________________

    F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________



    I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
    THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
    NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
    WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.



    _________________________________________________________
    Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name)



    _______________________________ ________________________________
    Mother's Signature Father's Signature


    _______________________________ ________________________________
    Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman



    Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
    Please allow four to six years for processing.



    You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since
    you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
    notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)


    To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.




    Daddy's Rules for Dating
    Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :



    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.



    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..



    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.



    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.



    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'



    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.



    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?



    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.



    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

    --
     
  2. jbifulco

    jbifulco Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    202
    That is great!
     
  3. fish and teach

    fish and teach TS Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    56
    thanks, I just copied it. My daughter is only but I'm not taking any chances!!!
     
  4. Len in Phoenix

    Len in Phoenix TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    84
    My daughter hasn't required any help in the area yet.....neither do the other girls on her SCTP team.


    [​IMG]



    Len in PHoenix
     
  5. OGC Director

    OGC Director TS Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2009
    Messages:
    1,415
    As the father of 3 girls, I wish I had come up with that application.

    Rich in Indiana
     
  6. trapshooterjoe7

    trapshooterjoe7 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Top single DT 10, you have DOUBLE trouble!!!!
     
  7. Capt_ed

    Capt_ed Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2009
    Messages:
    81
    Len in Phoenix,
    NIce looking group of girls .If your daughter is one of the 3 on the left looking at his face you probably have no worries but if she is the one on the right looking at his crotch you better watch out
     
  8. Kim Little

    Kim Little Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    596
    Location:
    Washington D.C.
    Bigunn thanks for the questionaire I have two daughters. Top Single you have double trouble. LOL. I think when their older if I were you I'd get a picture together like Len's. Len, priceless picture. I was on my high school trap team and Indiana University's Skeet team. I didn't have any problems with the young men. But then again, everytime my date showed up my dad was lifting his shotgun from his waist to his shoulder 300 times and wouldn't even acknowledge their presence. Kim
     
  9. pyrdek

    pyrdek Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    2,295
    One time I just arrived home from the range where I had shot a few rounds of trap and then went to the indoor range to check out a new load for the .40 S&W. This handgun gets carried in a shoulder holster. A boy friend of one of my four daughters, this may have been his first or second time at my house, arrived a few minutes earlier.

    When I came in the door I put my empties, 75 or 100, shells and shotgun down and then took my jacket off. He looked at the empties, the shotgun case, and then at me. By that time I had my jacket off and the .40 was plainly visible. His eyes got pretty big and he seemed a bit nervous. I took the gun out, dropped the magazine out of it and cleared the chamber. When he saw it had been fully loaded, his big eyes got even bigger.

    Neither she or I had any trouble at all with that gentleman! He did stick around for a few months and then they went their separate ways.

    A different daughter brought her boyfriend, at the time, down to the basement for some reason. I was cleaning the shotgun at the time. No big eyes since he knew I was a trap shooter and he was a hunter. Later on he joined me at the trap field. He had never shot a round of trap in his life. I gave him my 1100 to use and his first round was a 19 and his second was a 23! That daughter and him broke up quite a while later. Damn but he was a natural! We sure could have used him on the club team.
     
  10. Len in Phoenix

    Len in Phoenix TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    84
    Capt Ed - Very astute observation. My daughter is the one in the black sparkly dress.

    For Kim and pyrdek - Around our house it's usually Kathy (my daughter) who sets the tone of the first meeting. She quite often arranges to have the new prospect arrive while I'm working in the reloading room and brings them to meet me there. She's also been known to have them come over while she was cleaning her AR-15.

    Here she is several years ago.....this is what she used to give to guys who asked for a picture of her:


    [​IMG]


    Len in PHoenix
     
  11. M-16

    M-16 TS Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2006
    Messages:
    271
    There's some good ones fellows. my daughter is 10 I saved a few layouts for a disassembled M-16. I fugure it will look good on the dinning room table, and to be sure it sinks in just step out the door and let a few fly at the 200yd range. Then ask back at 10 right
     
  12. Len in Phoenix

    Len in Phoenix TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    84
    Come to think of it....I don't worry about Kathy or Megan (the blond not looking at the guys face in the prom pic) much at all. If I run into any of you at the AZ State Shoot next week, remind me to tell you about the illegal alien they bagged during this deer hunt.


    [​IMG]


    Len in PHoenix
     
  13. Doug Briggs

    Doug Briggs TS Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2009
    Messages:
    91
    I am reminded of the Bill Engvall line as he greets his daughters date for the evening, "I have no problem going back to prison".
     
  14. bigunn

    bigunn TS Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    185
    Well I had boys two of them, and didn't have to worry about it , But now I have two grand daughters one three and one , one and half cuitter than a pair of speckled pupps.Hope that I'm around when they start dating. bigunn
     
  15. Kim Little

    Kim Little Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Washington D.C.
    I love the story's LMAO. Kim
     
  16. Jerry944t

    Jerry944t Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,860
    Location:
    PA
    It's heart warming to know that some fathers still want their daughters to become Nuns.
     
  17. The Stive

    The Stive Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    635
    I raised three daughters. I had three basic rules. No vans, no motorcycles, and no body piercings. John
     
  18. Len in Phoenix

    Len in Phoenix TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    84
    Nun's? Not even close. They grew up around trapshooters! <big grin>

    They're still teenage girls, but they have a lot more self confidence than most others. We've talked about that alot.....Back in the day, I would have done anything to find a girl that liked to shoot trap, hunt, fish, drove a truck and worked on it herself. Now it seems that the guys just want a streetwalker type that they can push around. That's not gonna happen with these girls.

    Trapshooters may be a bit rough around the edges, but the majority of us are polite, well spoken, confident, educated, and know how to treat a lady. For young ladies who grew up in that environment today's boys are kind of a let down. They are intrigued (and probably don't really believe it) when the girls talk about what they do, but when the guys find out that the girls are actually better at "manly" things than they are it bothers them. It's been difficult for Kathy to find a boyfriend who isn't intimidated and won't follow her around like a puppy. She actually broke up with one guy because he kept trying to talk to her between traps at the Autumn Grand.

    Len in PHoenix
     
  19. ntgr8

    ntgr8 Member

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  20. ntgr8

    ntgr8 Member

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