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cute

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by bigbore613, Sep 6, 2011.

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  1. bigbore613

    bigbore613 Active Member

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    At a wedding party recently someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
    The bartender was crushed to death.
     
  2. Dougbbbb

    Dougbbbb TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    My friend Bob forgot his anniversary Sunday. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box… gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. . .
     
  3. gailmk67

    gailmk67 Member

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    Doug thats funny...can I use that or would I have to pay you a rental fee on the line. Need you disclaimer.
    Regards, joe
     
  4. RickN

    RickN Well-Known Member

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    A woman telling this.


    Kidney Stones

    Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining about severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain.

    My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

    I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"

    With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not that sick!"
     
  5. Auctioneer

    Auctioneer Well-Known Member

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    A guy walked in a bar and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender poured his drink and watched they guy drink it and then pull something out of his pocket, look at it then put it back. He then ordered another shot of whiskey. He drank it and and took something out of his pocket looked at it and put it back and ordered another drink. This went on for about 5 shots till the bartender said "its my job to pour drinks and not ask any questions but I have to ask. What are you pulling out of your pocket look at then put back"? The guy looked at the bartender and said its a pic of my wife. The bartender said OK so what. Well the guy said when she starts to look good I will go home. Whiskey please.
     
  6. Auctioneer

    Auctioneer Well-Known Member

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    Old man was walking home from work after dark. While walking down the dirt road he saw a young man with a lantern coming toward him. He looked at the young man and asked "what you doing young man"? He said " I'm going courten sir". The old man thought it over and said "when I was your age I didn't need to latern". The young man looked at him and said back "Yeah and look at what you go to".
     
  7. Auctioneer

    Auctioneer Well-Known Member

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    A man came hope from work, came in the house saw his wife in the living room reading a book. He then went in the bathroom and went to the med cabnet and got two asprins and a glass of water. He then walked up to his wife and told her to hold out her hand and placed the asprins in her hand and handed her the glass in the other. She looked at the asprins and the glass of water and said I don't have a headache. He then smiles and said "Just checking".
     
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