1. Attention: We have put together a thread with tips and a tutorial video to help with using the new software. Please take a moment to check out the thread here: Trapshooters.com Tutorial & Help Video.
    Dismiss Notice

Cat Tip For Tron!!!!

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by chessney, Mar 12, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. chessney

    chessney TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    644
    How To Give A Cat A Pill.
    >
    > 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
    > holding
    > a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
    > mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
    > hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
    > mouth and swallow.
    >
    > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
    > left
    > arm and repe! at proc ess.
    >
    > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    >
    > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
    > paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
    > mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
    >
    > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
    > spouse from garden.
    >
    > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
    > rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
    > firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill
    > down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
    >
    > 7 Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
    > Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
    > shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
    > gluing > l ater.
    >
    > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
    > visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
    > mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
    >
    > 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1
    > beer to
    > take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
    > from carpet with cold water and soap.
    >
    > 10 Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed Get another pill. Open another
    > beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
    > showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
    > with elastic band.
    >
    > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
    > hinges.
    > Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
    > compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
    > Ap! ply
    > whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
    > Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
    >
    > 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the
    > road.
    > Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
    > cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
    >
    > 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
    > and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning
    > gloves
    > from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet
    > steak.
    > Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
    > throat to wash pill down.
    >
    > 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
    > emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
    > and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
    > hom! e to or der new table.
    >
    > 15 Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
    > pet
    > shop to see if they have any hamsters.
    >
    >
    > How To Give A Dog A Pill.
    >
    > 1. Wrap it in bacon.
    >
    2. Toss it in the air.
     
  2. bigbore613

    bigbore613 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    4,469
  3. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Banned Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    6,665
    I just read this to Kitty and he yawned and said "If I had a nickle for every repost on this site, I'd sue chessney and bigbore613 for being boring".

    Tron
     
  4. chessney

    chessney TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    644
    You must be a good daddy for kitty. You even put a world map on the floor at eye level for the little guy. He must be a smart one!...Ziggy
     
  5. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Banned Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    6,665
    He's very very intelligent and we argue quite a bit. He says he's a "staunch Republican", but I feel he says that because of his political ignorance and lack of humanity. He says a lot of bad things about Obama and Hillary and I feel that he does so just to get my goat.

    Tron
     
  6. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Banned Supporting Vendor

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    6,665
    Yes Pat, I also have a goat. It's a grumpy, seedy old billy that I've named "Wernette". He eats anything, even beer cans.

    Tron
     
  7. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,588
    Pat, That's funny because I grew up in Dearborn and worked in East Dearborn for some time. You are right about the goats. Can you say goat burgers?

    alalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalaalallalaalal that means Duck!!!!


    Jerbear
     
  8. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,588
    <a href="http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d184/Jerbear1098/?action=view&current=nocatfarts.jpg" target="_blank">[​IMG]</a>

    Jerbear
     
  9. Jerbear

    Jerbear TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    3,588
    <a href="http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d184/Jerbear1098/Captions/?action=view&current=captioner7630259.jpg" target="_blank">[​IMG]</a>

    Jerbear
     
  10. ricks1

    ricks1 TS Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    1,545
    tron do you know what sweet 16 means the cats do rick
     
  11. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,055
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    Tron, get the cat a good lawyer
     
  12. digger1dog

    digger1dog Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2006
    Messages:
    299
    Location:
    Michigan
    Tron,

    The Wernette post was the best yet!!!

    Fred J
     
  13. hoggy

    hoggy TS Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2006
    Messages:
    1,261
    All you cat guys.
     
  14. Jim101

    Jim101 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    1,942
    Location:
    Knob Noster, Mo
    Cats make a good substitute for ballistic geletan when testing 40 hollow points at high velocity.





    Jim
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.