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Can we use a little humor?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by Barrelbulge(Fl), Mar 4, 2009.

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  1. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    Location:
    West Central Florida
    Moms in Group Therapy


    A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy
    session with four young Mothers and their small children. 'You all
    have obsessions,' he
    observed.

    To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are
    obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

    He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money.
    Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

    He turned to the
    third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This
    too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

    At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her
    little
    boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea
    what
    he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willie from school and
    go get dinner.
     
  2. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    5,055
    Location:
    Near but not in chicago
    Excellent bigun, oh and you too bulge
     
  3. perazzi2005

    perazzi2005 Member

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    Dec 20, 2005
    Messages:
    43
    Thanks guys.. I need alot of humor these days...LOL.....Dave Oberst
     
  4. George Steffes

    George Steffes TS Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 1998
    Messages:
    149
    Is Daddy's car in the woods?

    Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school Playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in
    a passionate embrace.

    Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.. I went back to look
    and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

    At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
    interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

    At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.


    Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy
    was in the Army."

    Mommy fainted!

    Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
     
  5. Hemlock

    Hemlock Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
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    74
    Location:
    Vancouver, WA
    Did you hear about the two Irishmen that walked out of a pub?

    Well it could happen!
     
  6. Barrelbulge(Fl)

    Barrelbulge(Fl) TS Supporters TS Supporters

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    Location:
    West Central Florida
    Sumbich. Courtesy of Foggy. I hope you don't mind Fog.

    A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only
    redneck in the neighborhood.

    He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

    Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."

    The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

    Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds,biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

    The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

    Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,"

    "No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

    The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

    "No thanks, I don't want it," answered Leroy.

    The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

    Again Leroy said no.

    Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

    Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed

    me in the pool!"
     
  7. Bruce Specht

    Bruce Specht Well-Known Member

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    Location:
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    Bulge you and Foggy are both crazy as hell! You gusy should try to me a bit more sane like my self!
     
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