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Bush's Farewell Speech - Satire

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by BRGII, Jun 22, 2008.

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  1. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maineiac (a resident of the People's Republic of Maine). While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for
    a living.

    The speech George W. Bush might/should/could give:

    The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
    because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world.
    Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of
    you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

    Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
    news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the
    tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
    numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities,
    I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
    unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration.
    I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

    Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
    record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.
    We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

    Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
    same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official
    US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established
    that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? Now some of you morons are
    considering another and more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that one!! She wants to take your kids away and let the 'Whole Village' raise them! i.e. governmental indoctrination .. Look this one up, you dumb asses!

    The rest of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan, a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. Whi le he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high school?

    You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
    cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
    squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
    Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
    spend and out-tech them.

    That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
    they survive. In fact , they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
    weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
    they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.

    You should be grateful that they haven' t gotten any more of us here in the
    United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
    got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
    and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
    whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
    fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
    fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

    Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
    the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should
    last a few months, a few years, tops.

    Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
    time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
    cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as
    well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

    In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
    Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USAToday, or
    on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you
    would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

    I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
    be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

    I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
    wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
    that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads. So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

    Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
    President. You asked for it.Watch what she does carefully, because I still
    have a glimmer of hope that there ar e just enough of you remaining who are
    smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

    So that's it. God bless what's left of America.

    Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.

    PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
  2. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
  3. Delbert

    Delbert TS Member

    Apr 20, 2008
    I really liked this story the first 500 times I saw it on the internet- now it's boring.
  4. RAU

    RAU Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    I still really like it
  5. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    Gee Delbert, I'm sorry I bored you. I hadn't seen it before. I guess I don't have enough time on my hands being a farmer.
  6. W.P.T.

    W.P.T. TS Member

    Jan 29, 1998
    Sad, but true ... Wait until you see how many people vote for a Black Muslim who would side with the enemy if push comes to shove again, which makes it even sadder but its still true ... WPT ... (YAC) ...
  7. Tron

    Tron Supporting Vendor Supporting Vendor

    Jan 29, 1998
    Now if we could only have BRGll's farewell speech.....THAT would be nice.

  8. BRGII

    BRGII TS Member

    Feb 26, 2008
    Tron, how would you like to kiss and Irish butt? Tron the free loader.
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