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Bubba

Discussion in 'Off Topic Threads' started by WS-1, Aug 21, 2010.

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  1. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    A pregnant woman was invloved in a terrible accident and lapsed into a coma.

    After nearly 6 months, she awoke and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asked her doctor about her baby. "Ma'am, you had twins-a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

    The woman thought, "Oh no! Not Bubba: he's an idiot!" Expecting the worse, she asked the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

    "Denise," the doctor replied.

    The new mother says, "Wow! That's a beautiful name. Maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name 'Denise.' What's the boy's name?"

    -

    -

    And the doc replied, "Denephew."
     
  2. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly, and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,were sent for.

    Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

    The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

    The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two buttholes."

    "What? He had two buttholes?", said the mortician.

    "Yup, everyone in town knew it. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes..."
     
  3. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    Bubba's wife gave birth to a beautiful, red headed daughter. "Doc," said Bubba, "I don't mind telling you this, but I'm very upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!"

    "Nonsense," the Doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

    "It isn't possible," Bubba insisted. "Our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."

    "Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

    Obviously ashamed, Bubba replied, "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."

    "Well, there you have it!" the doctor said confidently.....

    ...

    ...

    "It's RUST."
     
  4. recurvyarcher

    recurvyarcher Well-Known Member

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    A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully:

    I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.

    However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the SouthPole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us…

    1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”

    2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.

    3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

    4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen …” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott, and Petty.”

    5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!”

    6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off!” and another of caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee on the Tooth Fairy.

    7. Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

    8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

    9. Christmas songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. The highlight this year will be Hank Williams Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It.”

    Sincerely Yours,
    Santa Claus North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
     
  5. WS-1

    WS-1 Banned User Banned

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    Curvey,

    You win again! "Hail, The Conquering hero!"

    Admiringly, Kit
     
  6. shutnlar

    shutnlar TS Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
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    OMG, Devi- I had ROC Cola coming out of my nose... Told this to my cuzzin in Luzianna, he said Yep, 'bout time!!

    thanks

    Larry
     
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