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ASK REVEREND ZARA

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Threads' started by revsublime, Jun 3, 2007.

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  1. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

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    Ok Rev. Zara...I do hope you can help me.

    1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus15.19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35.2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus11.10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?

    7. Leviticus.21.20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus19.27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)
     
  2. BIGDON

    BIGDON Well-Known Member

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    Why don't you give it a break. I think you have poked enough fun at the zealots.

    Don
     
  3. shot410ga

    shot410ga Well-Known Member

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    revsublime: that was great. One of the best things I have ever read on this site. LOL
     
  4. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

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    The author(s) of Leviticus grew up in some hard, hard times. Sadly, they were also very ignorant times.
     
  5. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

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    Ahhh....Reverend Zara your wisdom doth encourage this savage beast's soul.

    Who needs that Schlesinger Quack?

    All Hail the Mighty Zarathrustra!
     
  6. berettaman7

    berettaman7 TS Member

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    Reverend Zara:

    Should Gordy ever contribute to TS.COM for all the space he takes peddling his stuff for free here or should he give to your cause handsomely?

    Berettaman7
     
  7. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

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    Idiocy only has a place here if it has a extremely right-wing conservative leaning? Hmmm...

    Rev. Zara...I will donate the membership into The Kingdom of Zara Holy Marchers Into Paradise to one who may need it yet does not know.

    Enclosed is my check for $1000.

    Gotta fight the Good Fight!

    Reason and Sanity are not gone...just temporarily misplaced.
     
  8. berettaman7

    berettaman7 TS Member

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    Reverend Zara,

    Your kind words and wisdom are more appealing than a string of 100´s from the 27th yard line, now it would be a nice gesture from Gordy to donate one of his finest offerings for the good of the cause.


    Berettaman7
     
  9. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

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    More wisdom poured down from on High.

    Ever notice how the best wisdom is always the easiest?
     
  10. berettaman7

    berettaman7 TS Member

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    Now that is deep reverend Zara.

    Berettaman7
     
  11. lightfoot

    lightfoot TS Member

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    God, Zeus, Amon-Ra, Vishnu, Thor, or any of the other made-up invisible spooks couldn't heal a paper cut, so why would anyone expect them to heal amputees?
     
  12. revsublime

    revsublime TS Member

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    virgin birth copyrighted 4000 B.C. by Osiris.
     
  13. lightfoot

    lightfoot TS Member

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    Yeah, read just a couple of weeks ago about a virgin shark birth. All hail the shark messiah! Who'll be the first to sacrifice a chicken?
     
  14. TommyTEREX

    TommyTEREX Member

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    REV.ZARA, I`m truely sorry I wasn`t here on sunday. Please forgive me for my indiscretions as I was on the dark side shooting trap, gambling,( still trying to hit the BIG one to send to you!), and yesterday looking at new trucks.

    Is there still room in the temple for me?

    Tom R.
     
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